[letsgogh]

Hello,

A friend of mine recently confessed to me that she's struggling with major depression. I have bipolar II, so I definitely have experience with the depression side. However, I experience mood highs as well. So I know my experience is fundamentally different, and everyone's experience is different anyway...

I'm meeting her this weekend for lunch to talk about it.

Do you all have any suggestions on how to approach this with her? Suggestions on subjects to avoid, specific things you wish people had asked you while you were suffering in silence, or things you wish people had reassured you about? She seems really scared to reach out and ask for help, and she also seem the type to ignore her feelings until they build up to a toxic level, both of which I can really relate to.

I think she reached out to me because she knows I've been through "mental health things". I used to live with her and she witnessed my last mixed episode, major depressive episode, initial diagnosis, and med-switch firsthand. We are pretty close, but I haven't seen her much since I moved 2 hrs away.

Thanks in advance!

[Skeezyks]

Hello letsgogh: The Skeezyks doesn't have any profound suggestions for you here. To me, it's simply a matter of asking your friend how she's doing. If she says not so good, or something to that effect, ask if she wants to talk about it. Let her take the lead. Don't push. Don't intrude. Let her know you're there for her. Share stories from your own experiences with mental illness & recovery. But no fixing, no saving, no advising, & no setting your friend straight. Gentle support is where it's at, from the Skeezyks' perspective. Good luck!

[adam_k]

You have common ground so that is good. She feels safe to talk to you which is amazing. It can be really hard to open up to someone.

Everyone is different but when I reached out I was looking for a couple of things. I wanted to be heard. I didn't want someone to tell me what to do, or fix my issues or even worse blame me. I wanted to be able to talk and not feel ashamed, judged but safe. Don't feel the need to fix her problems, listen and give advice if she asks.

It may seem silly, but tell her you care and want to be there for her. Sometimes I convenience myself that no one cares. Myself I like a lot of reassurance. Everyone is different.

Ask her what she needs. Be kind and compassionate. If she is anything like me I was scared to talk. I wanted a gentle voice to make me feel like it was ok to talk. That I wouldn't be judged or told to get over it.

It may take some time to open up. It doesn't all come at once. Be honest and genuine. You don't have to have all of the answer, know how to fix her, just let her know you are in her corner and will listen and help because you care about her.

[letsgogh]

I met with the friend.

I feel like it went as well as it could've. I asked her what she wanted to talk about and let her talk, and shared my own experiences with therapy and meds and identified with her feelings but said that it's a bit different for everyone, didn't want to put words in her mouth, etc. and tried to reassure her that she even though it's hard not to feel guilty (something I have a hard time with) that she doesn't deserve to feel guilty for how she feels and her feelings are valid, and that she's wonderful. I think she might work up the courage to visit a therapist now.

Thanks for the replies!

[notthisagain]

It's good that your talk with your friend went well. I really couldn't have said it any better than Skeezyks did. I think that the fact that you are dealing with bipolar is one of the things that made her feel confident enough to open up to you. I think that the ability to just be able to listen is so, so underrated.