[Humpty Dumpty]

I should right? It's not like I have any real reason to be depressed. I was never abused in any form or fashion growing up. I have a family that cares about me. I have a wife that treats me better than I deserve. So why the hell am I depressed? I should just "get over it" & stop being such a cry baby.
I have no reason to be depressed. Yet I am. I should just get over it, but I can't. I shouldn't cry yet I am always fighting back tears. I'm pretty pathetic if you ask me.

[highnrg1]

Depression is very often a chemically based condition. Depression can stem from may things and no situation or circumstance gives someone a "right" to be more depressed than another person. You feel what you feel and it's real. Sometimes, and I believe this can be more challenging for men, you need to get your BRAIN in chemical balance (which may require you to visit your physician or even possibly a psychiatrist). You may need to try to find a medicine to help you deal with this season of depression. Then, once you find a medicine that works for your brain, you may be able to identify more clearly some of the "triggers" and challenges that are causing your underlying depression and make a plan, along with your wife, to try to work through these challenges. Good luck!

Not pathetic I have no 'reason' to be depressed either. And yet I have struggled for over 11 years. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I could pinpoint the cause, it would be something I could work on and move on from. But that isn't the case. Depression doesn't discriminate. You could have everything you wanted and still be depressed. Try not to be so hard on yourself, this isn't your fault

[Fuzzybear]

[TishaBuv]

I hope you find what helps you, maybe an anti depressant, and feel better, Humpty!

[adam_k]

It may not be true that you have no reason. There could be things that you don't realize bother you. Maybe low self esteem, not getting your needs met or something else. There could be physical things causing it like thyroid problems, or vitamin insufficiency. Have you went to the doctor recently and talked to them? They can do some blood tests pretty easily to know if it is a physical problem.

Have you tried therapy? Or maybe Anti-depressants.

I wish you like in struggle.

Reading that made me cry.

I feel you man.

[Sula B]

I feel terrible that you feel that way.

Depression isn't something you need a reason to have. It is the same as diabetes or cancer. It strikes anyone indiscriminately and can be a physical issue (chemical imbalance, hormonal imbalance) or the result of trauma or many other reasons or combinations of many. You wouldn't say to someone who'd had a stroke that they should just get over it.

I agree with many other posters here that you should speak to your Dr, look at therapy and medication options and accept the help of your supportive family. My thoughts are with you and I wish you all the best.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I should right? It's not like I have any real reason to be depressed. I was never abused in any form or fashion growing up. I have a family that cares about me. I have a wife that treats me better than I deserve. So why the hell am I depressed? I should just "get over it" & stop being such a cry baby.
I have no reason to be depressed. Yet I am. I should just get over it, but I can't. I shouldn't cry yet I am always fighting back tears. I'm pretty pathetic if you ask me.

humpty----what do you think is causing you to feel bad...what are you crying about

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by little turtle

humpty----what do you think is causing you to feel bad...what are you crying about

I have no reason to be crying. I just do. Most of the time I'm able to fight it off when I'm around people, but those times I can't I have to try to get away as soon as possible so they don't see me crying. I'm a grown man I shouldn't be crying. It's rather pathetic. Look up the definition of cry baby - Someone who cries over nothing. I just need to get over it and shut the hell up. I have no reason to be depressed.

[Fuzzybear]

"Some call it sick but I call it weak
Get over it

Don Henley

Such a sick sick world..

Only the "damaged" like me understand how foolish it is to judge anyone as weak

I send you love

[highnrg1]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I have no reason to be crying. I just do. Most of the time I'm able to fight it off when I'm around people, but those times I can't I have to try to get away as soon as possible so they don't see me crying. I'm a grown man I shouldn't be crying. It's rather pathetic. Look up the definition of cry baby - Someone who cries over nothing. I just need to get over it and shut the hell up. I have no reason to be depressed.

Oh, Humpty, it's OKAY to cry. (Perhaps that's easier to believe and do, because I am a woman?). But it's TRUE. I do not love that society trivializes crying with phrases like "cry baby". First of all, babies cry for reasons and they often need HELP of some kind to stop crying and that's a positive thing, in my opinion, whether you are a baby or an adult. I believe you have some grief, pain, sorrow or something in your life that's causing you to cry. Or perhaps it is a chemical, hormonal or situational depression? Regardless, NOT crying (or believing that you should be able to stop crying) is likely not a helpful answer for you right now. So you can choose, as a step to give yourself permission to cry without shame or guilt. I hope you can do that for yourself

Also, the more you focus on the idea that you should not be crying and that you should suck it up and stop, when you find that you can't stop, it keeps the cycle going and causes you more pain.

I really hope you can find some answers in the ideas and suggestions people have offered and likely will continue to offer. All you can do is take one action at a time to try to deal with this. If one thing does not work, another might. It is so great that you reached out and that you are getting ideas from others. Now you can look at information shared and choose to make on action, no matter how small you think it might be…and chug away at the process of dealing with this challenge.

Good luck to you on this journey and please keep up posted about how things are going.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by highnrg1

Oh, Humpty, it's OKAY to cry. (Perhaps that's easier to believe and do, because I am a woman?). But it's TRUE.

Hig this may sound sexist, but I mean no disrespect by it. I fully believe it is just fine for a woman to cry, but I honestly believe it is never ok for a man to cry. He should always remain strong & composed.

Thanks for your input.

[highnrg1]

I don't view that sexist at all, so I take no offense. But I hope you can possibly re-examine that position for your own sanity (but fully understand if you cannot) and I mean no judgment or disrespect when I suggest that consider looking at that belief a little more closely.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I have no reason to be crying. I just do. Most of the time I'm able to fight it off when I'm around people, but those times I can't I have to try to get away as soon as possible so they don't see me crying. I'm a grown man I shouldn't be crying. It's rather pathetic. Look up the definition of cry baby - Someone who cries over nothing. I just need to get over it and shut the hell up. I have no reason to be depressed.

are you depressed....

[Fuzzybear]

I don't think there always has to be a "reason"

Btw those words remind me of some things a "doctor" said to me. I'm female... He only added to my defiant inner critic grrrr. Sounds like you too have a harsh inner critic

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I have no reason to be crying. I just do. Most of the time I'm able to fight it off when I'm around people, but those times I can't I have to try to get away as soon as possible so they don't see me crying. I'm a grown man I shouldn't be crying. It's rather pathetic. Look up the definition of cry baby - Someone who cries over nothing. I just need to get over it and shut the hell up. I have no reason to be depressed.

[YorkieMom]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I have no reason to be crying. I just do. Most of the time I'm able to fight it off when I'm around people, but those times I can't I have to try to get away as soon as possible so they don't see me crying. I'm a grown man I shouldn't be crying. It's rather pathetic. Look up the definition of cry baby - Someone who cries over nothing. I just need to get over it and shut the hell up. I have no reason to be depressed.

This made me sad, I went through this with my husband. You are not pathetic nor a cry baby. Talk with your wife, you may be surprised at how supportive and understanding she really is.
It was not easy, but my husband and I made it through some difficult times. Having a strong support system helps. We help each other, my husband went through a couple medication changes before he found one that helped . . . . along with therapist visits. I think it is different for everyone, but you have to do what is best for you and your well-being.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

Sounds like you too have a harsh inner critic

I just view it as being honest with myself. I tell myself the truth when other people want to tip toe around it, because it's "not polite" or "they might hurt my feelings".

I'm just tired of dealing with this crap and I just want it to end, but I only see one way out. I have tried doctors. I have tried therapy. It didn't help and in several cases it only made things worse. In order for me to get medication that would mean trusting a doctor, & that's not going to happen.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by YorkieMom

This made me sad, I went through this with my husband. You are not pathetic nor a cry baby. Talk with your wife, you may be surprised at how supportive and understanding she really is.

What little bit she has seen it has hurt her & hurt her bad. Why would I want to "show" her even more? I am doing my hardest to shield her from this as much as possible. I am not the kind of a hole that wants her to hurt. Plus it is rather obvious what little she has seen she doesn't understand. She takes my SI as a insult to her, which nothing could be further from the truth.

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

I just view it as being honest with myself. I tell myself the truth when other people want to tip toe around it, because it's "not polite" or "they might hurt my feelings".

I'm just tired of dealing with this crap and I just want it to end, but I only see one way out. I have tried doctors. I have tried therapy. It didn't help and in several cases it only made things worse. In order for me to get medication that would mean trusting a doctor, & that's not going to happen.

Humpty,
I am worried about you. I agree that most doctors and therapists suck. (I was lucky, the 2nd therapist I tried did help me.) Do you go outside and exercise in the sunshine. I walk 4.5 miles per day and the combination of the sunshine with the feel good chemicals that are released (when keeping a challenging pace) is somewhat helpful. Plus, if you can tire yourself out physically, you might sleep better. Depression is always worse when you are tired. Also, sometimes when I exercise, I can reach a meditative state, which provides a brief escape from feeling like crap.

You seem like a wonderful guy. Please don't give up. -Myst

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

What little bit she has seen it has hurt her & hurt her bad. Why would I want to "show" her even more? I am doing my hardest to shield her from this as much as possible. I am not the kind of a hole that wants her to hurt. Plus it is rather obvious what little she has seen she doesn't understand. She takes my SI as a insult to her, which nothing could be further from the truth.

humpty ----what does SI mean...why does she take it as an insult to her...
are you able here to tell us more about this...I am an old dummy who never got over it

[Fuzzybear]

I agree...you seem like a great guy. (Please don't give up... But I feel like a hypocrite saying that as most of the time I wish I was ... Well you know )

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree...you seem like a great guy. (Please don't give up... But I feel like a hypocrite saying that as most of the time I wish I was ... Well you know )

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by little turtle

humpty ----what does SI mean...why does she take it as an insult to her...
are you able here to tell us more about this...I am an old dummy who never got over it

SI = Suicidal Ideation
She gets angry & offended by this because she takes it as me saying "she's not good enough" & "I'd rather die than live with her" both of which nothing could be further from the truth. I tell her as much & get a response similar to "Well then you shouldn't want to kill yourself"

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

I agree...you seem like a great guy. (Please don't give up... But I feel like a hypocrite saying that as most of the time I wish I was ... Well you know )

I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm sorry you're struggling with this too.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Humpty Dumpty

SI = Suicidal Ideation
She gets angry & offended by this because she takes it as me saying "she's not good enough" & "I'd rather die than live with her" both of which nothing could be further from the truth. I tell her as much & get a response similar to "Well then you shouldn't want to kill yourself"


I know exactly where you're coming from. I'm sorry you're struggling with this too.

I am in the same boat...my wife doesn't want to hear my truth...but she has a big problem of not being loved by her father..humpty at least tell us here...if you feel suicidal...you feel suicidal...