Loneliness the new normal ... Is that normal?

I hate to say this because I don't want to sound like I'm whining or seeking attention, but I feel I need to ask someone. So here it goes.

A year and a half ago, my mother died of cancer. But before she died things got strange, like I felt I was always the person on the outside of the family. My mother scolded me for not keeping the house clean, which she was right, but she would sometimes yell at me, and the last thing she said to me before dying, other than bye, was her yelling at me for not doing something right.

Then I found out my parents gave up a sibling before I was born, and suddenly these feelings of being the outside child made sense. I suddenly was the middle child, and it made sense why I was ignored sometimes, or something else was a priority.

But now my best friends have moved away and I'm the only one trying to keep in contact. This has gone on for a year, so I stopped texting my friends for a month. So far, no one has contacted me. Not my father or brother. Not my friends. Just people from work about work.

I'm trying to figure out if I did something wrong or if I'm just paranoid. Maybe I am supposed to be alone. I've tried to convince myself I can handle it, but on weekends sometimes when I'm not working I think about my friends and family and realize they aren't here, and the loneliness sets in to the point of having anxiety attacks. I wonder if anyone would notice if I disappear, or if it would have been better if I had always been alone. At least then I wouldn't know loss.

I'm not sure what to do anymore. All I really have left is my work. What should I do?

Hello PatienceH: Well... the Skeezyks is pretty-much completely solitary... so probably not the best member to be replying to your post. You could try asking your father & brother why they've stopped communicating... see what you get... Maybe something, maybe nothing. But it may be worth a try. As far as your friends go, personally, it doesn't surprise me when people who move away don't keep in touch. So, from my perspective, they've simply moved on & that's the way it is.

My thinking with regard to your situation is that the best thing you can do is simply move on too. Begin looking for opportunities to make new friends. Perhaps consider becoming involved in some social activities or volunteer work, if your employment schedule will allow for it, as a way of meeting new people. You can't force anyone, including your family, to keep in touch if they don't want to. And continuing to ruminate on it will only make the situation seem worse. I wish you well...

Hi PatienceH,

Sadly few people are good at keeping in contact so it's almost certainly nothing to do with you. Even when people really mean to keep in contact life gets in the way.

I agree with the Skeezyks, the best way to combat loneliness is to get involved in something other people do as well. It could be volunteering or a hobby or interest group or club.
Initially it will feel like you're on the outside of this group too, but persistence over time (can be a fair amount of time) will lead to a gradual integration and acquaintances will become friends.

I am lucky, I have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends from activities I do and I value both.

Good luck!

It's really hard, isn't it? I think asking your father and brother is a good idea. Maybe it hasn't occurred to them that you need them to contact you sometimes.
Friends do move on, sadly. It can be hard to let go, but sometimes it allows space for new, wonderful things to happen. If you feel confident enough to join a social group or do some volunteering, as suggested, that's a great place to start. Don't be discouraged if you don't find the right fit straight away. I'm a bit weird, and people sense that even though I don't act strangely, so it took me awhile to find people who were accepting and/or weird in their own way.
Is there anyone at work you could ask out for coffee or a drink? Sometimes those around us don't realise how isolated we feel until we reach out.
All the best xx