[Onyx999]

I'm just talking here, that's all.
I was diagnosed with Major Depression in 2005. I've been on meds since then. I've been attending regular psychotherapy sessions (on and off) since 2013. I still have bouts of dark moods. I've been having one lately. It comes and goes.

I've been looking for gainful employment for a few years now. I work, but its only a survival job and not in my field. I'm 47. I'm getting really tired of all this.
I'm also losing hope that I'll find a real job. I know thats not logical, because I work my contacts and keep pushing forward.

I haven't been laid in two years. Scratch that, two years and three months. I stay in shape mostly and try to stay active, but even that lately seems pointless.

How do I motivate myself to keep on fighting through it? I will be visiting my home state of CA later this month, so I have that to look forward to. But what then...

Dear Onyx999,
I commend you for continuing to fight the demons. In my opinion, for some, depression is just a legitimate response to reality. I mean, our economy is grim and when we find ourselves only treading water (or worse), it is hard. And I consider sex a basic need, so when it's not being met, we're just not as happy. I hope you find some happy moments on your trip to California. In July, the weather is much milder in California than in Texas (California Dreaming. There is one positive thing I see in your story. It sounds like you are in good health physically. Who knows what fate has in store for you, maybe a better job will come along or, by chance, you'll meet someone.
Myst

[adam_k]

Is it sex that you want or romantic connection and intimacy? If it is just sex maybe you could try a dating site for a casual relationship.

It's hard working a job you hate. Keep looking and try to find something you will like. Maybe try a new city. Is that an option?

[Onyx999]

I changed cities in 2013. I went from Claremont, CA to NOVA because my uncle made false promises of getting me a govt. job in technical writing. That's another story, I won't go into it here. Basically he lied. I stayed there a year, before coming to the Houston area to try my luck getting a corporate writing gig in oil and gas or a nonprofit. I've been working very hard and I've gotten a few interviews here and there. But I never break through.

My original plan was to work a few years and move back home to CA with a better resume. If things had gone according to my timeline, I would be heading home to CA about now anyway. Long story short, I don't want to move to yet another city that isn't in my home state. My depression has gotten worse since I've been away. That could be coincidence, or it could be one of the causes. I had been relatively stable until I started jumping all over the south. I'm tired.

On the sex front; last year I thought I wanted romance, but I was fooling myself. When I was back home, I was always getting laid with a new, younger flavor of the month. Well not always, but I never went without for long. I was in my chosen career (even though by then I had burned out) and I held myself in very high esteem. I had some money problems, but nothing too serious. I worked out all the time, socialized with my friends when I wanted and basically led a fairly decent life. Now I don't have anything. I'm in serious debt and I'm isolated.

Basically, I just want a hot, muscled piece of *** to help me forget all the **** my life has become. Two days in a 3-star hotel with a bottle of Jack and a multipack of condoms, and me doing things to a young man his mother would shoot me for.

[adam_k]

Sex does a lot for my mood. I always perk up afterwards. I hope you can find what your looking for. What you describe sounds like a fun exciting venture.

Why not move back home? Things don't sound like they are panning out there. Would things be just as good or better back home?