[Rose76]

After months of doing a lot better, I am starting to get depressed. I've been my boyfriend's primary caregiver for a few years. He was in a facility for some rehab and care for a few months. Now he is back out and I am caring for him at his home. (We stopped living together years ago.)

Without me, he'ld be in a facility permanently . . . I do strongly believe. So I helped him apply for benefits that will fund him getting more help at home from caregivers that will come from agencies. And I've helped him to get back to his own apartment. I'm getting stressed out and thinking that my life was better when he was in the facility.

I'm getting very depressed about the position I've gotten myself into. I'm becoming disorganized. He's been snapping at me excessively. I feel like I'm doing a lot to help him be as happy as possible, while he doesn't seem to get overly concerned about my welfare.

My own physical health hasn't been great lately. I don't seem to eat right. I am going for medical treatments myself. I feel like just giving up . . . giving up on everything . . . even giving up on living occurs to me lately. This is getting to be a bad relapse that I'm having. And it is more or less all my own fault. I got myself into this.

[TishaBuv]

It's good you are recognizing this relapse coming. You need to take care of yourself and put your wellness before his.

If you didn't exist, wouldn't the facility send people to his home to help him? Maybe you can step back.

[hopeless2015]

Taking care of a loved one can be so stressful and draining, don't forget to take care of you!! HUGS

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G930A using Tapatalk

[Fuzzybear]

[Unrigged64072835]

It's good that you're doing this work for him, but you can't neglect yourself. Take gentle care of yourself.

[Rose76]

Thank you all very much. Today a homecare attendant came for 4 hours, while I went off to do errands. It made the world of difference. This particular attendant is very resonsible, so my mind was completely at ease during those 4 hours. Getting set up with a schedule of attendants coming to my bf's home is a process that I'm still working out. But today felt so great that I'm more hopeful this eve and getting into a much better frame of mind.

My friend now has the Medicaid Waiver for home based care and the V.A. pension for Aid and Attendance. So substantial help is waiting in the wings. But getting both programs up and running for us is a big involved process. (Intake interviews, comprehensive need assessments, recruiting satisfactory home care workers, etc.) Most of that is done now. I guess I just need to be patient a little longer and help will be forthcoming.

My bf treated me to dinner out today and we relaxed over that. As I drove us home, he just reached over and held my hand sweetly. I have to remember that he has lost some ability to verbalize what he feels due to brain changes. Sometimes, I just need to calm down and not react strongly to every little irritation.

I think I'm going to pull out of this tailspin before it gets worse. I do need to literally scedule into my "To Do" list some pleasant activities/diversions that I like. It will be okay, now, I think.

Rose,

It's great to read your last message. Thinking of you and I will follow your thread.

You have a beautiful name.