Two different people inside: one is kind and logical the other is childish, homicidal

Hello. Im a 15 year old girl from Phoenix. I feel like i have two different personalities that are side by side in my head. The first one (p1) is a kind, logical, achieving, compassionate, and loving person. The other one (p2) is a homicidal, suicidal, cold, mean, sociopathic, lying, and stealing person. I have sought out help for my ongoing depression that has lasted a year now. I believe i have maladaptive daydreaming, and have been diagnosed with a mood disorder and major depression. I am very afrid of this uncontrollable P2 and would hate to hurt ANYONE and dislike lying to anyone. I am trying to get help and understand what is going on in my head.... I want to get better. I NEED to get better. It would help everyone. I know things are wromg yet, i still do them in spite of others. Im mean and angry and its hard to control this p2.
Help please!
Nicole

Hello Nicole: I recall having replied to your previous post. I have something similar to what you describe that has gone on with me for many years. There's the me I present to the world. It's not as nice or as positive as it sounds like your external persona is. But it's not violent either. Then there's the other "internal" part of my persona. It is very similar to your p2... plus I will add deeply confused & conflicted. I have sometimes worried that if that other part of my persona were ever to escape, it's hard to know what type of damage it might do! (I'm pretty confident that's not going to happen...)

You mention, in your post, that you've sought help with your ongoing depression. I don't know what type of help this is. Hopefully, you're seeing a therapist & you've been able to delve into that darker aspect of your personality with your T. Or if you have not gotten to that yet, hopefully you will feel able to do so soon. Therapy is really the way to sort through these aspects of one's psyche

I presume we all have this kind of "dual personality" within us. Perhaps it is more pronounced in some of us than it is in others. I don't know. I know it has sometimes felt pretty intense for me. In my case, the way I have chosen to address what I experience is through the use of Buddhist practices that emphasize acceptance of one's demons with compassion. And this seems to be working for me. But for the majority of people, I presume, therapy is going to be the more appropriate approach. I wish you well...

I agree with the Skeezyks, many of us feel the conflict between the different aspects of our personalities and the horror of seeing the nasty me coming out, sometimes I don't even realise till later and it usually bites the people I love the most.

I hope you can find some help from T and learn some skills to help anticipate triggers that awaken P2 and be able to enable P1 so you can avoid the fall out from actions you later regret.

I have had some group training/ therapy which has helped me be more aware when things start building up and step back or give myself space and avoid acting out in my habitual way which has saved heartache or being blamed as The Problem.

It is possible to be more comfortable with the different aspects of yourself and behave most of the time in a more helpful way without rejecting the part of yourself you are less comfortable with.

Best wishes and good luck. You're getting help at an early age which is a great start.

I agree with Skeezyks.

I too feel like I have 2 personalities. The one that I show everyone and the one I try to hide deep inside myself.

It is painful to have this separation. It tears at my soul and heart.

I would suggest getting a Psychologist and getting help that way.

Sending gentle hugs your way.