[RandolphCarter1919]

Hello everyone.

I think one of my biggest problems, and I'm not sure if it is exactly a problem...or more like a crutch, is escapism.

When I have a really low day, I won't do anything but obsess and get anxious, which brings on more depression.

However, on days where I can feel "it" building, but still have a bit of motivation, I fight it off with something that allows me to escape. Now it's nothing physically destructive such as drugs or alcohol, but perhaps destructive in another way?

I'll throw myself into something...be it binge reading or watching, starting a new hobby, which leads to collecting items for the hobby, immersing myself in a video game etc.

I'll use these to escape and preoccupy my mind full tilt. Now sometimes it works, albeit for a limited time...but sadly it comes with a price. I'll go on these sprees...say like if I'm into a certain horror movie director, I'll buy a ton of his dvd, ones I probably won't even get to...but it is the need to collect that brings me comfort. (I know it's wrong).

But as I said before, as soon as I have the item or play the game for a set amount of time, the depression hits back ten fold.

Now I know this is probably just me using my ocd, and not in the best way...I mean does anyone else do this sort of thing, experience this kind of burnout, or try escapism in material goods? And if so...how do you combat it and find motivation to do activities you like but in moderation?

Like I wish I could find a happy medium to fight off waves of depression without having to completely obsess...but it always seems like lack of any desire/motivation...or full bore....

[jjgbirder]

Yes, I completely understand the escapism. If something is giving me anxiety or has triggered anxiety / depression, I have to work hard to be productive at least some of the time. Otherwise, I too obsess over some things: like immersing myself in computer games, or something tedious and mind-numbing (like cleaning), to avoid doing work (especially if it's related to what's triggered my anxiety / depression).

The best solution for me is to set some sort of goal as to what I want to accomplish. I try to be realistic (do X number of assignments today). I start slow, but I try to build over several days (or a couple weeks) until I am working close to "normal" speed.

I don't know if this helps, but I'm sending you hugs.

[elevatedsoul]

have you tried gardening..?
maybe taking up a musical instrument..?
if you enjoy music... then when you can play it with your own hands its pretty nice...
art..? writing/poetry..

things that you can do without having to spend money and something that you can get better at or improve your skill with so that you have goals to work forwards to maybe..

i have always used reading.. video games.. i dont spend money though because i just dont have any, but i probably would if i had it..
but im kind of a nerd i guess, intellectual.. im interested in philosophy, conspiracies, physics, life/death... blahblah.. just mental stimulation and anything that can make me go like -what what whaat?-

as long as you dont start using drugs or alcohol... because thats a dark road to go down..
especially if you are "chasing" the escape.. stay clean

talk with people here more maybe try the chat room they have

[RandolphCarter1919]

Thanks to you both, JJ and Elevated.

JJ, That's not a bad idea to set limits. I'll have to try that, starting small, seeing if 1.) I can motivate myself to do the activity for the set amount of time and 2.) See if I can limit myself within the set amount of time.

I read and draw a lot Elevated. I do have other hobbies that I don't spend money on...but...it is the interest, keeping the interest is such a chore. I think you nailed it when you said "chase"...like I have all the drawing supplies I need, and even a few books, but when I lose interest in drawing, it'll take perhaps a new instruction book or what have you...and it is really a distraction (because that "chase" keeps my mind busy more so than the actual activity)...

It is weird, but I'm glad you two understand...for it is a tough one to explain.