[Crook32]

Right now I am so on edge. I can't focus or concentrate. I have been cutting on and off for about a week now. I know I need to stop. I don't even know why I really do it. Tomorrow is going to be a very stressful day for me. My wife is going to go to my pdoc appointment with me so she can learn more about this second opinion he wants me to get. I want to take some Xanax but I am afraid I will take too much. Yesterday I took double what my pdoc prescribed. Luckily it is a low dose so it really can't do too much. I just don't know what to do. I want to scream but am too tired to. Help me.

[Michelea]

Hello Crook32.

Sorry you are having such a difficult time right now.

It sounds like a good idea seeing your pdoc tomorrow to discuss getting a second opinion. Sometimes another person's view is very helpful. Do appointments with your doc usually cause stress like this, or is it this appointment in particular?

[Crook32]

More just this appointment since my wife will be there to talk to him. He wants me to do an inpatient stay to get the second opinion and she doesn't.

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[Michelea]

Sorry, don't know why, but now I see the discussion between your wife and pdoc as a sitcom, lol.

Moving past my weird sitcom image, what do you want to do as far as being an inpatient?

[Crook32]

I was inpatient 4 times last year so I would rather not do it again but my pdoc prefers the inpatient option to just getting a consult. I told him to go ahead and start the paperwork because their is always a wait list and it could take a couple months to even get in. Or insurance could deny it or the program could say I am not a candidate for it. I think all the uncertainty surrounding it isn't helping my anxiety.

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[Michelea]

Ah, can see how it could get stressful when there is not a definite, know it's gonna happen, next step.

Hopefully things should become much more definite after the meeting tomorrow, taking away some of the stress you are feeling today. Let us know how things go tomorrow.

[dexter]

Hello Crook32... Was the appointment today? Hope everything went OK. Sorry I missed this yesterday.

[Crook32]

No the appointment is tomorrow afternoon. I see my T tomorrow at lunchtime. I am thinking of asking her to write my pdoc a note because I don't think I will be able to tell him everything.

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[Always Hurting]

Crook32

[Crook32]

So I met with my T and asked if she would write something for my pdoc. She said she would try calling him before my appointment later today. She knows about the cutting but I don't know if I can tell my pdoc about it. She will anyways once she talks to him. She also said today that she thinks I have an adult attachment disorder that we need to work on.

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[Michelea]

How did things go today?

[Crook32]

My wife missed the appointment because she locked herself out of the house.
I told my pdoc about the cutting and had to show him. He asked if I needed to go inpatient sooner. I told him no I could wait until this second opinion thing comes through. I am stopping my Abilify and Xanax. Starting Mirapex and Klonopin. He wants to see me again in a week.

He asked how much my wife knows and I told him it much that I hide it from her. He asked how I am able to do that and I just said I have a lot of practice at it.

He also asked if I thought I could still work.

[Michelea]

It sounds like he is doing a good job of covering all the bases, and then checking on things a week after a med change.

[Crook32]

Yeah he is a really good pdoc. I have been with him 8 years.

[Crook32]

Wow I took the Mirapex last night with my seroquel and fell asleep in about 5 minutes. I was in the middle of texting a friend and just passed out. I am hoping the Mirapex helps take the edge off because my pdoc only gave me one klonopin a day to use.

[Michelea]

That's great! lol, the Mirapex seemed to take the edge off pretty well last night.

[Fuzzybear]

[Crook32]

Well sleep was short lived. I was up and down all night. Things are back to status quo.

[Crook32]

Increased the Mirapex last night but again up and down most of the night. Nothing like the first night when I just passed out. Called the place that my pdoc wants me to get a second opinion at. No beds available right now but they want me to send some information from my last hospital stay. I can't wait to see my T tomorrow but I have been getting so anxious every time I see her. I have to take my anxiety mess before each session.

[Crook32]

Still cutting. Might be inpatient in a week or two for that second opinion my pdoc wants. Not sure if I can go through with it though.

[Michelea]

Go through with being an inpatient? It sounded like you were for that before, has something changed?

[Crook32]

I am starting to have second thoughts about the hospital. I don't think it is the best thing for my marriage right now. Plus the 5th time being inpatient in 2 years is just a little much.

[Michelea]

Maybe this is something you can talk about with your therapist today.

[Crook32]

Already did. She thinks I really need to go through with it and we can talk about the marriage problems after.

[Michelea]

Although I, of course, don't know all the details of this...I agree with her. It is another hospital stay, but if it leads to a more accurately aimed therapy, then that can also help your marriage problems.