[Crook32]

I don't know what to do. I don't know if my marriage is contributing to my depression or if my depression is causing the problems in my marriage. I have thought about leaving but really the only way I would leave is by killing myself. I couldn't handle the judgements from people over me leaving my family. Things have just been different after last year. I was in the hospital 4 times and even when I was home I was not fully present. I realized how bad my mood can be the other night when my youngest son said to me "Now we get to see Mama's happy side." It just ripped my heart out.

I don't want to leave my wife but everyday she has become increasingly annoying to me. Also I feel very judged by her in regards to my depression. She has said before that I am just not trying hard enough. Worst thing is my pdoc wants me to go inpatient to get a second opinion and that is supposed to happen in the next week or two. My wife is not happy about me being away again. I am freaking out about what to tell work. I have no idea how long I will be out.

I have been having an increasingly hard time saying I love you back to my wife. I am just not sure how I feel anymore but I also don't know if the depression is causing some of that. My T doesn't want me to make any decisions until I am done with this second opinion. She would like us to give couples therapy a shot but I don't know if I can do that. I don't think my wife knows how I am feeling because I have gotten really good at hiding it from her.

What should I do? I don't like to have stuff hanging over my head but my T keeps telling me I don't have to make a decision today that it could even take 2 years or 5 years you just never know.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Crook32: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. The Skeezyks doesn't really have any useful suggestions to offer. In reading your post, it seems like you pretty-much laid out the options.

Back in the day, as they say, there was a music group that called themselves The Lovin' Spoonful. Perhaps you've heard of them? Anyway, they did a song titled; "Did You Ever Have to Make Up Your Mind". Here's a link to the song on YouTube, if you're not familiar with it:

Sometimes you just have to make up your mind... I send you my best wishes for a successful outcome.

[geez]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Marriage is already difficult and then to add depression into the mix can bring greater stress.

I would follow T's advice. Time in the hospital can help get meds leveled out and time away from your daily life to get perspective on things.

One of the symptoms of depression is agitation. I almost left my husband and then got help. I'm fortunate to have a supportive husband and our marriage is good but depression does put a strain on our relationship at times.

I hope you figure this out over time.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'd listen to your T.