So confused

So my T and pdoc think I am not doing well and are very concerned. But I just don't think I am doing that bad. But I think the problem is I am comparing it to last year which was hell with four hospitalizations and ECT twice.

I fell like I have been going up and down and can't really feel my emotions. I am also having trouble remembering the last month so my T on Friday is going to go over her notes and fill in the blanks for me.

Right now I am not sleeping well just 3-4 hours a night and the last three days I haven't really eaten. I am just not hungry. I just wish I could understand what they are seeing. I am so confused. I have never felt like this before. I recently started Mirapex and have been upping the dose every week. So maybe that is causing the mood state I am in.

I just wish I could understand what is going on. My T says my mood this last week has been cyclical. I did have hypomania once that they think was med induced. She is wondering if I am heading that way again.

Anyone else ever feel a disconnect like this. Where there T and pdoc and seeing things that you just aren't. Apparently my depression has been bad enough that my pdoc is seeing me once a week and keeps asking if I need to go to the hospital. But I just am so confused.

You posted this in the Depression forum; has no one explicitly suggested to you that you could be bipolar? Cyclical mood, loss of appetite and inability to sleep are symptoms of (hypo)mania and you mention a history of hypomania, but no one has made the connection? Would you and your doctor consider backing down on the Mirapex in case you're having some kind of reaction?

Pdoc has yet to make the jump to bipolar but he has thought about it. But 99.9% of the time depression is the problem.

I didn't mean to sound condescending; I was just surprised that you were so confused and your pdoc unable to 'make the jump to bipolar' if you're experiencing depression and 'cyclical moods'.

Cyclical moods is a new thing just the last couple weeks.

And they thought the hypomania may have been med induced.

So is it conceivable that the cyclical moods are related to the Mirapex? You said you just recently started it.

Yeah so i need to ask my pdoc about it on Friday.

Pdoc is still going to up the Mirapex on Monday as planned. He still wants to send me to the mood disorders clinic for a second opinion. The average stay there is 18 days but it is out network so I am hoping I can hurry them along. I just wish I knew when they will have a bed available so we can get this over with.