How do you answer...

How do you answer "how are you"?

When the truth would completely alienate you (even more...) or rock someone's world- who didn't REALLY want to know... The cashier at the grocery store is blown away if I even answer the question with "tired"...
But the PC answer -"fine" is a lie...

If I said, tearfully...~ lonely and hopeless and exhausted and crazy; isolated and sarcastic and angry and sick of taking all these pills and being locked in this brain and this body;
Or if I said... Hoping I don't wake up tomorrow.
Or miserable and angry and confused and disappointed and alone
Cranky and bitter and anxious and indecisive and apathetic and sick of breathing and trying.

If you answer the question with even a kernel of truth...you have to deal with-stark silence.
Or "oh"
Or the worst: "I'll pray for you" and then I reply, "please don't"... Which always sets off an argument... (A fine topic for another day perhaps)

I don't remember ever being "fine"
Or the last time I was "good"....
But maybe I should just lie~ they don't really want a truthful answer anyway.

I'm really struggling~ maybe I should just find a more PC way to say THAT.

How are YOU?

Just say 'ok' and leave it at that.

I'm doing ok. How are you?

People ask to be polite. I usually ask back. You can say a number of things instead of "fine" when you aren't feeling that way. I say things like:

Not sure
Not sure right now
I'm hanging in there
I'm managing
Managing
Getting there
Not bad
Not bad for a Wednesday

I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time. I usually just say "fine," too. I do have a few friends where I can say, "Do you want the polite answer or the honest answer?" Some actually want the real answer. Those are the friends I treasure.

I got in trouble this morning for telling a family member that I really hate being asked that question. I could probably count on one hand the people that have asked me that that really wanted the answer. I generally say I'm fine, or not too bad when most people ask. The worst for me is when somebody really means it, and genuinely wants to know. I once had a boss that put his hand on my shoulder, and asked if I was doing okay. (I really respected this man, he was descent). I looked away from him, and he patted my shoulder and and backed away. I walked down the hallway where nobody could see me. He went around the corner and said to another employee that I had to leave early, and he would be covering the rest of my shift. He knew I could hear him. I really miss him being my boss and someone I looked up to.

Wouldn't it be nice,if people only asked questions that they are prepared to deal with the answers for?

I once shared with a friend that I was battling a bad bout of depression. He didn't say a word. He just held out his arms and gave me a hug. That reaction is rare.

That was really beautifully written...thank you.

And I am so sorry for your deep pain.

Me? Im not doing too good but thnx for asking Like u im incredibly depressed bc of alot of emotional pain which has caused me to become addicted to cutting my arm up...

Yzen~ some good options! "Getting there" might work- it doesnt say exactly WHERE I'm going/getting! Thanks for your ideas!

purple panda~ yes, treasure those friends!
The hug was a perfect reply. One I hope I remember....

mindwrench I'm glad you had that kind of boss for awhile. Wow. I think sometimes people really do want to know... But with our "fake it til you make it" or "just stop being miserable" culture~ maybe they are suprised by the "real" answer....

If I could just get over this~ I would! (And you wouldn't tell somebody with cancer to "just get over it" so why is it okay for mental health issues....)

sophiesmom awwww. Thanks. Such power in just accepting what is. Thank YOU.

If I want to mess with someone, I say, "One foot's in the grave, and the other's on a banana peel." If I want to be honest but not totally serious I say, "Better than some, worse than others." Most of the time I say, "Hanging in there."

I wish we could stop using "How are you?" as the automatic greeting it seems to have become. Not sure what to replace it with, though.

When someone says they'll pray for me, I just switch it around in my mind to mean they'll take a few moments to think of me. I'm not religious or spiritual at all, but I realize most other people are. If their way of exerting hope that my day will improve is to pray, I'm okay with that. At least they're saying they'll put forward a little extra effort. 😉

I always ask "How are you?" on people on here.. and they usually tell me the truth, probably because they know this, of all places, is the last where they will be judged by people

I used to just tell it like it is- no i'm not well, i'm suicidal, i'm not sleeping, etc, but it was actually the stigma that taught me otherwise

the more and more people laughed at how i was truly feeling, and how many people shrugged it off, i'm learning slowly to just ignore the question.

turn my back and pretend to look somewhat distracted

another thing I tend to do is mumble, which kind of gives the impression I want to be left alone

sometimes it has actually worked- people have gone, oh well, I'll just leave you to it then

I like to respond "Oh, you know, can't grumble" whilst utilising my most practised "resting ***** face". They usually stop talking to me at that point, and don't ask again...

I believe we want to either tell people the truth or nothing at all because we are not superficial. It comes from feeling things deeply and wanting what is real. Many people you pass by at a store or at work don't relate to that.

So appreciate your thoughts and ideas! Thanks.

I've never had a problem lying to people I wouldn't see again. Cashiers, customer service people, they're just using the question as a form of greeting. Like when you travel to the land of the Elves and they say, "Let the sunlight shine always on your face" you respond "And always on yours" before conducting business. It's just polite.

Now it's a different thing if a friend asks.

Then it gets more complicated.....

In casual conversation with strangers, a simple "I'm okay" will suffice. If it were my friends, then they would get a different version.

To random strangers, I'll just answer "meh"... That will let them subtly know not to ask unless they're prepared for the answer...

When my friend ask me how I'm doing, well I used to just be honest with them, nowadays, I can barely keep it together when they ask me if I'm alright, let alone formulate an answer...