[Humpty Dumpty]

If the title isn't enough of a warning there might be some triggering content. I will do my best to "lable" any triggering content.

I hate making excuses. I hate saying "If they had not done X I would not have done Y" I fully believe in taking responsibility for your own actions. With that said what is the difference between having a "triggering event" & just making excuses so you'll "feel better"?

Possible trigger:

I have not cut in nearly a year. That is until yesterday/Saturday. Now I'm cutting more than I ever did before. 2 weeks ago I went to visit someone that was in the mental ward of a hospital. This was extremely difficult on me. Then I find out he is back in the hospital again. I told his wife I would go visit him again. Then I had to back out. Now yesterday I started cutting again. Am I making excuses by saying going to visit him really f'd me up or was this what is referred to as a trigger.

[mindwrench]

Given your past experience with the mental health profession, I think walking into a mental ward would certainly be a trigger. Backing out of going to see him again is understandable. As I understand SI, (which I may not grasp the concept) it is a coping mechanism (albeit a unhealthy one) some people turn to when their feelings become unbearable, to search for distraction or relief. If you were going to do SI again, it was likely going to be because you had trouble coping again. Anything that drives you to your level at which you do that, I would call a trigger or stresser.

I don't know if that helps, but I think I get where you are coming from.

[Booh]

I fully believe in taking responsibility for your own actions.

Hello, Humpty Dumpty. Your post captured my attention. I will say that what follows is not authoritative but rather the product of my subjective thought processes.

Triggers stimulate trauma. Trauma is a distressing event in which a person feels severely threatened emotionally, psychologically, or physically. People may re-engage in unhealthy behaviors when exposed to triggers. The Psychology of Triggers and How They Affect Mental Health

Justification (Noun) - A reason, explanation, or excuse which provides convincing, morally acceptable support for behavior or for a belief or occurrence. https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/justification

Without knowing more about your life experiences, it seems to me you may have been triggered by the visit and the definition of justification may provide some legitimacy for excusing your behavior.

To me, however, the real question is whether you acted responsibly. One author states: "There’s a fine line between taking responsibility versus acknowledging things that are out of your control." Facts vs. Excuses: Know The Difference - Shae Mcnamara

This person goes on to state:

Excuses:

• There is no such thing as an excuse…YOU CREATED YOUR REALITY!
  • Doesn’t matter where you are born, currently live, life situation, etc., you have the ability to grow from any beginning or current position that you’re in
  • Take responsibility now, before you dig yourself a deeper hole

Only you know if you had the capacity to act responsibly.

[MtnTime2896]

Sounds like a trigger to me. It'd be like me going for a stroll in the woods (environment of former trauma) and/or staying at my dad's. It is a physical/external representation of what you endured. It's not like a flashback or nightmare that goes away and you can get yourself back to reality because it is actually there. This can put you in emotional distress for any amount of time and it sounds like yours is still there and digging in. You're mind is having difficulty letting that trigger go. A blackout is often a response to a more extreme emotional distress.
For instance, my visit to my dad's a few days ago rocked me pretty hard. I've been having pretty bad anxiety and depressive symptoms since. Trust me, I'm fighting hard to keep my dissociative symptoms at bay. I don't want to "wake up" and seeing what I did in that state.
In another words, this doesn't sound like an excuse to me. It sounds like a terrible trigger that caused enough pain to get you there. And hey, I broke and self harmed after a whole two years of not doing so a few months back. "Everything, with enough pressure applied, will break", as ****ed up as that saying is I've always believed it's accuracy.