Advice for a suicidal loved one

My husband has been acting very strange for the past month. Crying lots (he never cries in front of me) feeling hopeless and talking about it and saying he's going to kill himself. He just got told he cannot come home for his sons birthday and is even worse now.
He is working away from home and sees no way of quitting as I am a stay at home mother with no income even though I'v told him to come home and we will figure something out.

How can I help him? If I can't be with him, he is 5 hours away, he won't go to a doctor.. What do I do. I'm scared, lost and walking on eggshells because the smallest thing can set his meltdowns off.

should I book into our family doctor here at home and talk with him about our options and look for support that way? I'm just so scared I'm never going to see him again

Hello Jadenmia1: I'm so sorry you are confronting this frightening situation. I will tell you that I have attempted suicide more than once. So I have some experience with this. I've never been a crier & have always tried to keep my mental health problems to myself as much as possible. When they did come out, it was typically in the form of anger & rage! From what I've read, this is pretty typical of men who struggle with depression.

I'm an older married man. And I recall, quite a few years ago now, saying to my wife one time, in the midst of one of my fits, that I wished I would just die! She said: "No you don't!" A few months later I made my first really serious attempt. It is never a good idea to ignore it when someone says they want to die or that they want to kill themselves.

On the other hand it is true that, if a person is determined to end his or her life, they'll find a way. There's no way to ensure it won't happen. What makes your situation even more difficult than it would be anyway is that your husband is five hours away. The first thing I would do is to call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1 (800) 273-8255. They may be able to offer some suggestions as to how to proceed here. If necessary, you may need to contact someone where you husband is. But be forewarned, he may hate you for it... at least for a while. It becomes a devil's choice. Do you contact someone where your husband is (his employer?) & risk your husband becoming angry beyond measure or do you just wait & see what happens & possibly lose him? I don't know the answer to that question. I'm so sorry you may have to answer it.

Beyond that, I would recommend that you seek some sort of support for yourself. I personally would doubt that your primary care physician is going to be a lot of help. But you know him better than I do. He may, at least, be quicker to get in to see than other professionals may be. Ultimately, however, I would think you may want to make arrangements to see a counselor or mental health therapist as a way of managing your own feelings regarding this situation. I send warm hugs your way with the hope that both you & your husband will be able to find safe passage through this most difficult period.

Thank you. I have just found some local walk in counselling centres and call centres that I am going to head in for some support.
I have no doubt in my mind that he is planning to end his life. Or at the very least he can't see a way to go on this way. Today he has told me multiple times that he wishes to die.

I don't know if I have the courage to call someone close. He WILL hate me for it.. He sees this whole situation as weak and tells me that he will never tell anybody about it. Not even a doctor.

He is always angry, raging, ranting and just plain mean these days. Sometimes I wonder if it is me that causes him to be this way but I am trying my best to help.

I am going to ask him to come home from work, it seems to be working away that sets this all off.. And find a way to start fresh with him..

Thank you. I'm just very scared and alone right now.. I'm not sure who to turn to

I'm very sorry you're going through this. I can't begin to imagine how difficult it is.

Does your husband have a gun, or access to a gun? If so, do what you can to get it and hide it.

If your husband is out of control, call 911. He can be involuntarily committed for up to 72 hours in the psych ward, and evaluated. My husband is a firefighter/EMT and they see a lot of this sort of thing.

As he works away in different locations all the time, I have no idea where he is, just that he is in the middle of nowhere. I would have to do some investigating with the company he is working with, to find out where he is. Apparently I won't see him until November now that he has been asked to stay at work...
I have no idea what he has access to, nor will I know if he has successfully committed suicide if he decides to. :'(
We have 3 young children, youngest been 4 months old so it is not smart for me to drive across province looking for him.
I feel absolutely sick.

I'm not a man, but how your husband expresses his depression is very similar to my own. I'm not saying it's the same, however. My fiance has had to deal with things similar to you. Just know that being mean and lashing out at people is a push away tactic, in a sense. If I could manage to make my fiance upset with me and possibly begin to hate me, I wouldn't feel as guilty about what I planned on doing. Definitely call a professional on this subject, they'll have better background. I know you feel like you don't have the courage to call someone. Don't look at it like "He'll hate me" or "Now he's forced to talk about his 'weakness' when he never wanted to". You can't look at it that way. See it as a way to get him the help he needs. If he was diagnosed with cancer, would you not call an oncologist in hopes he could heal your husband? Try to remind him that it isn't weakness to get help, I personally struggle with that thought process so I compare it with my physical health history and justify it.
Don't tell him that you're going to call someone before you do, especially if you haven't fully decided to make that decision. He hasn't made a decision, yet and it could jump start impulsiveness into doing something or just make him shut down and quit talking to you about what is happening.
I'll be thinking about you, and I hope the best for both you and your husband.

Great idea. Please do, and let us know what they have to say, if you feel like talking about it.

It seems to me that at some point you, perhaps with the help and support of a counselor, might have to contact human resources (or whatever group handles that sort of thing). If it's a large company they likely will have dealt with similar situations in the past. From his perspective it's a much different thing if management or a company-assigned professional therapist approaches him than if you do.

As Skeezyks said, he might be furious with you - it might seem to him that you've destroyed his job prospects or some such. (When I'm really low, absolutely <i>everything</i> is a catastrophe - "I'll be branded for life, no one will ever hire me again," etc. From what I've read it's similar for many people.)

But it seems to me that if that's what it takes, then so be it, if for no other reason than the kiddos. But I'm speculating. I hope I've not crossed a line, and if I have, I apologize. A counselor or therapist surely will be able to shed some light.

Hello again, thanks for the responses. It feels so much better to be able to tell somebody about what I'm dealing with at the moment.
Last night he called me after work and oddly positive after his day that he had. Apologized for his behaviour, that he wasn't really going to kill himself and that he was going to be fine and stay at work.
I was surprised but we spoke and I felt confident he felt a tad better.
This morning same thing again. Crying, saying he can't take being away but can't afford to come home. But today he was angry and mean. Then tonight happy and apologetic again.

It's awful that I'm not close to help.. I'v told him to come home tomorrow and find something else close to home.. This is so very confusing. If he doesn't come home tomorrow, I'm going to call the company and see what I can do.
It's a huge oil company. No doubt in my mind they have seen this before!

Jadenmia, thanks for the update. I was wondering how you're faring while I was jogging today. You sound a bit better than yesterday.

You're good people. Not that you need me to remind you, but please try to keep in mind that regardless what happens you are not responsible. It seems to me you're doing everything that could reasonably be expected of a caring relative. I hope it works out for y'all.