[DechanDawa]

I miss being happy.

I was known as someone who enjoyed the simple pleasures in life.

I have been battling a depressive episode for 14 months.

I have decided to not celebrate the holidays because I live alone and am socially isolated and it is too depressing. This is a first. Even when alone I always had a tree, sent out gifts, went to holiday services.

I have never had a depression this severe or that lasted for so long.

I would like to hear from others who successfully got out of a long depression. How long did it last? How did you know you were coming out of it?

[Aardwolf]

For me, it lasted 9 years (give or take a year). I still have the occasional "blip" so technically I am still there I suppose.

I didn't realise until it was turning spring. I smelt the fresh air, the smell of flowers, and I smiled. I had never smiled for something like that in a long, long time.

[Fizzyo]

I'm sorry I don't have any advice... I can only commiserate, being in much the same position. I've been in a depressive episode for a little over 4 months now, which isn't long compared to yours, but it's one of the worst episodes I've experienced to date, and I've been struggling with this coming up on 7 years.

I relate so much to your post. I used to greatly enjoy the simple pleasures of life, myself. Honestly the simple things are all I've really had, being from a dysfunctional family with a lot of alcoholism and violence. I remember I used to love the holidays. Now they're just a time of year to reflect sadly on what I once enjoyed. I have half the family now that I used to, and I never had a big family anyway, if that tells you anything. I don't have friends anymore. The past few years it has been just my parents and I, and my parents get drunk usually... so you might as well say just I. :/

Recently (a few days ago) my older brother came back up to the state and plans on staying, which means he'll likely be here for the holidays this year. But I still feel isolated. He's been drinking along with my parents, whereas I'm not allowed to drink anymore, and we all know how very fun it is to be the only sober person. They sit out there and laugh and talk, and I am not missed. Plus, he and my mom are chatterboxes. Being the shy one, I don't really get included in their conversations. I feel like even to family my presence/absence doesn't matter. I could be there or I could not, it wouldn't make a difference.

Now I just stay in my room anymore, like always. I won't bend over backwards to be included, if no one will make an effort to include me. Also, my dad recently made it known he wants to work for time and a half this Thanksgiving, which would mean him not being here either. He and my mom have argued about it. He won't budge. But now I'm rambling...

Everything is just kind of awful right now, is all.

[MtnTime2896]

Two years, for me. When it lifted, it wasn't necessarily like I was happy, all of the sudden. It slowly lifted to normalcy. I'm currently back in a depressive state. The only advice I can give is to push out of isolation little by little and patience. It doesn't last forever, but it can be a long and difficult journey.

[*Laurie*]

Hi DD, I am so sorry that you're going through such a depressive time. Last winter I fell into a severe depression combined with anxiety...I re-read the book Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabat-Zinn and tried my best to practice mindfulness (even though it seemed pointless to do so at the time, the practice ultimately helped). I made sure I took a walk (even if just around a single block) every day. I kept up with my household chores. I worked hard with my spirituality. Eventually I found a medical professional who prescribed medication that broke the miserable depression enough so I felt a real improvement.

I'm having a bit of a struggle today (exhausted, down)...I seem to be adversely affected by the weather (which is rainy)...but overall, I'm having more pleasurable days than miserable ones.

[GGChar]

I knew I was coming out of depression when I got a twinge of being interested in one of my hobbies. Just a small spark. It was so beautiful. I don't know if it is something you can force yourself to do but maybe you could try.

What are things that used to give you pleasure? For me it is drawing. I looked at some websites and some of my favorite artists and it really brought me a bit of respite from the blanket of fear I had.

Depression has so many facets. I'm not sure how much if any we can control. I know I try hard to battle it when I see the signs. Lifting yourself up out of the hole is so difficult. I do know that being here has been everything. At least I have a home where people understand me and I can be myself.

I hope you get some relief very soon!