[gobstopper_]

Sometimes I get so worn out by "functioning" that i just want to let myself sink into depression and even lose touch with reality just to rest. Sometimes, for me, depression starts out as a sweet temptation to do just that. To just let it all go and "lose it". I've been "functioning" by being fairly independent with a full time job and paying the bills, but it's so exhausting to keep up with that for long, and it starts to seem like I've been lying to myself and everyone else about my ability to actually keep up with the world like I'm fine. My house is such a mess that I don't know where to begin, and I'm still overwhelmed with all of my debts that I've been paying off. I've also been suppressing the true "me" that seems to only come out when I give up the facade and let myself go. But I'm trying to fight off that temptation because I remember that the bliss from falling down the rabbit hole ends when I hit rock bottom, and then it's only suffering until I manage to climb back out again.

[annoyedgrunt84]

I feel much the same way, functioning is so exhausting most days for me. I always say that it feels like life requires an energy level that I don't have. On weekends I often feel like "I'm out of bed and I'm dressed, what else do you want from me?". Because to ask much more than that starts to feel overwhelming.

[mindwrench]

I've fell down that hole and climbed out so many times. Though I stayed down in there longer each time, and didn't climb as high or for as long when i did climb. I've been in the hole for years this time. I totally get the urge to throw it all away. It's an illusion sometimes though, it just seems like all your problems go away for awhile. The struggle at the bottom is very raw, and real in a way that has to be dealt with, like having food to eat, and a place to sleep where you don't freeze or have no privacy at all. Sometimes surviving is the only thing we know how to do, and higher class problems just have no significance to us.