[Stronger]

Just recently I got out of the hospital after several months of being treated for my eating disorder. My ED was my way of coping, and now I'm trying to do recovery, but I feel so useless and empty and alone.

I took the semester off and now have nothing to do and no motivation to do anything but lie in bed all day. It's all I can do to stick to my meal plan and keep eating.
Right now I'm doing an ED evening Intensive Outpatient Program 4 days a week and going to counseling 2 days a week, but the mornings and weekends have been increasingly difficult.

This depression that has haunted me for years is slowly suffocating me and more and more I'm finding myself in an old familiar place of entertaining thoughts of death. I don't want to die, I just want to STOP hurting so intensely!

I'm crying out for help. And I'm talking about it and doing everything I know I should do, but I am just SO TIRED of fighting this fight.

Tired of hurting. Tired of fighting for my life.

[QueenCopper]

((((big hugs)))) I am sorry you are struggling so bad. I don't have any advice for you as I am struggling with some of these things myself. Just wanted to send a hug your way and let you know you are not alone.

[MtnTime2896]

Did the hospital and your counselors set up an emergency plan for you?
I'm not saying you need to implement it now, but it's nice knowing that you have that in case you no longer feel you can do without it.
I've been bed ridden by my depression for the past two weeks (here and there I'll get things done). I forced myself to get up and go on a day-cation up to the Crest which helped me out quite a bit. Just being away from people and out on top a beautiful location like that made me feel better. Stood a little too close to the edge a few times, though. Even when I'm not suicidal I still can look like it.

[Fizzyo]

(((((((((Stronger)))))))))