[RJ42]

Try
Trying to understand why I feel like I exist only when people need something. I know for a fact that this is the only way people see me. I've never mattered to anyone. I can't even say the L word anymore

It is tough to feel this way! I am sorry you are going through this. It must be one of two things. Either, you are so depressed that you can't comprehend that others do love you or you need to get away from the people you are spending time with. You definitely matter! Please keep posting. We know what it is like to feel dead inside. I hope it gets better for you.

[Skeezyks]

Hello RJ42: I'm sorry you are feeling unloved. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[RJ42]

[QUOTE=Mysterious153;5321214] It is tough to feel this way! I am sorry you are going through this. It must be one of two things. Either, you are so depressed that you can't comprehend that others do love you or you need to get away from the people you are spending time with. You definitely matter! Please keep posting. We know what it is like to feel dead inside. I hope it gets be

Thank you. I am going to continue to post because I have zero social life.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello RJ42: I'm sorry you are feeling unloved. I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

I will continue to post and thank you for the welcome.

[RJ42]

I probably should probably start with a brief backstory. I grew up in a violent home. My father hated me from the start. He was home all the time and my mother was at work a lot. So, it was up to me to take care of things at home because my father was drunk and/or stoned all the time. Beginning at age 5, I was basically mom and dad to my 2 younger brothers. It may sound strange, but I was cooking and even doing things like changing my youngest brother's diapers. I'll go more in-depth later but all I feel is that I've been a tool for people to use and discard when I'm no longer of use. I've been told I'm too kind and helpful. Every one of my three marriages resulted in me being used for my wallet or for how hard and how much I worked. It has been the same way for every woman I've dated. Not saying all women are bad. I'm a disabled veteran and use a cane to walk. I get called ugly, useless, worthless cripple, and was even spit on twice last year. I don't understand any of this and it makes me withdraw away from people even more. The only things that I know have ever cared are the cats I've had over yhe years and the one I have now. She is a great friend and she is almost always near me. The only thing I have ever wanted in this world is to have a woman treat me the same way, wanting to be with me for me. The majority of people, I feel, don't even know what the L word means anymore.

[leland05]

Hello, I hear you're going through a tough time right now, but I just want you to know that you can make it through. I know that this was tough and it was for me too. Last year my depression was so bad to the point of self-harm, but now it's better. So remember that you got to stay strong!

Dear RJ42,
I find it amazing (in a bad, horrifying way) that there are people out there who would call a disabled person terrible names! No matter what their age, they sound like trashy people.
Thank you for your service. I am also a veteran but did not serve in combat. Did you become disabled as a result of your service to our country? Did you serve in a war zone? Whether you did or not, I am sorry about your disability. I know it is harder to recover from depression when you are disabled, in pain (?), were abused as a child, alone, etc. I hope that someday you can find a friend that you can trust. I think there are people who understand the L word but I also think that in modern society, we tend to isolate to the point that good people don't socialize the way they need to.
Please keep posting. Sincerely, Myst

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by Mysterious153

Dear RJ42,
I find it amazing (in a bad, horrifying way) that there are people out there who would call a disabled person terrible names! No matter what their age, they sound like trashy people.
Thank you for your service. I am also a veteran but did not serve in combat. Did you become disabled as a result of your service to our country? Did you serve in a war zone? Whether you did or not, I am sorry about your disability. I know it is harder to recover from depression when you are disabled, in pain (?), were abused as a child, alone, etc. I hope that someday you can find a friend that you can trust. I think there are people who understand the L word but I also think that in modern society, we tend to isolate to the point that good people don't socialize the way they need to.
Please keep posting. Sincerely, Myst

Thanks for your service as well brother. I had combat time, but my injury resulted from falling in a pit at my last job. I shattered my L-5 and am slowly losing feeling in my right leg. I do what I can to push on. It's been pretty trying be I was diagnosed with PTSD as well. But, the soldier in me refuses to quit. I intend to keep posting because it does feel a bit better to talk. Thanks brother.

[RJ42]

Originally Posted by leland05

Hello, I hear you're going through a tough time right now, but I just want you to know that you can make it through. I know that this was tough and it was for me too. Last year my depression was so bad to the point of self-harm, but now it's better. So remember that you got to stay strong!

Thanks leland, the soldier in me refuses to stop. It's good to hear you're doing better.

[Fuzzybear]

You've sure had a lot of *** holes in your life I've been called "useless" and even "ugly" (or this was implied) during a time when I was struggling with a health issue which impacted my appearance. So I get some of this... I did eventually meet a very kind, intelligent and caring person IRL (papa bear) who has never insulted me... I would be honoured to be here for you if you ever want to pm...(private message me) .. In any case, I'll look out for your posts (and a belated welcome )

(PS I also have found too many people have no conception of what L... Means ... But those of us who do get it are the true Warriors and Survivors )