[Taonuviel]

I think it went well, now I'm having trouble thinking, but I know my head was pretty clear this morning. Didn't bring up counseling, which may or may not be a mistake, I'm thinking it might be enough just talking with him once the medicine's working - speaking of, yuck. I suddenly feel like it's going to knock me out... guess no driving for me tonight. I'd go take a nap, but my room's stifling hot, and I have so much I need to get done... distance course work due in a month, so difficult to focus on it.
I'm tempted to think the depressive thoughts are from Satan, and he intentionally drops them at just the right moments - being when I'm trying to talk with someone and need to be able to think of what's wrong, only to pumult me with them again when I'm more vulnerable. It's been like this as long as I've tried talking with people... seems more than coincidence.
Ok, I'm getting a headache trying to think, and not making much sense to myself. Maybe I'll have to add to/clarify this later.

[Taonuviel]

Yeah... I think I need to just shut up until the medicine kicks in... no matter how long that takes... because I don't believe any thoughts right now - good or bad - the good "probably won't happen" and the bad "aren't reliable" and I confuse myself. I don't know what to do with myself...
What's concerning me is that this morning I started to feel positive about things, that maybe they could work out, that even maybe I could figure out relationships and someday have close friendships and fall in love with someone, besides maybe enjoying my studies and finding a job I'll enjoy. *man it's difficult to type with sweat pouring off my hands... this side effect is very frustrating - a comment I felt I'd insert here.* My pastor believes I have a lot of potential, and I've thought so before too, but I've figured I'd never achieve any of it since I seem to fail at everything. But now I'm actually hoping for it... and I'm afraid I'll crash hard soon... worse because I've been telling myself not to hope for anything, and haven't in a while, so I'll be so mad at myself when I go down. But still, I've started hoping that this is a step, and that I'll be able to start redirecting thoughts as we talked about today, and I'll move forward. And maybe actually live... not kill myself as I've thought I'd end up doing soon(not that I had a set plan, but figured I'd lose it soon).
I'm unsure whether I should still look into counseling. If I'm going to need it I don't want to wait, the sooner I can start the better. But I don't want to waste the effort if it's unecessary. My pastor did mention it as something he'd recommend if what we're working on now doesn't work out, but I'm not sure if he doesn't know yet if it'd be necessary/worthwhile, or if he's waiting until it's obvious nothing he can do will help enough because he doesn't think I'd be willing to go or is concerned about the hassle it'd be with my mom for me. If that made sense. Hm. I suppose I should just ask him... but I'd feel stupid. Not the best excuse... but... yeah.

safe hugssssss and support. Hang in there! Your Pastor is correct about you being special and having new heights to climb too. Sounds like counseling may be a way of helping yourself reach those heights. Stay safe!

[Rapunzel]

I recommend the counseling too. And I'm glad that your paster is helpful and supportive to you. That is one relationship that has the potential to be of great benefit to you. It is good that you are remembering that you have thought that you had some potential. Hang on to that thought - it is true, and you do have great potential! If you forget again, ask your pastor to remind you. Yes, you can have hope for things to get better, and it is a good sign that you are starting to feel a little bit hopeful! When you are down, it is hard to remember that there was a time when you didn't feel that bad, or to imagine that it will ever be better, but it's a deception, and you do have great potential, and you can reach it, and you won't always feel so bad.

{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

[SeptemberMorn]

I'm tempted to think the depressive thoughts are from Satan

Ya know... I used to think that way when my depression and anxiety first came on. Nothing I did by way of faith or religion worked. I went the whole route; the laying on of hands, rebuking Satan, all that stuff. Nothing!

It's a physical ailment, Hun. Medication and therapy is the way to go. Meditation helps a great deal but it all needs to be positive. Picture yourself where you want to be in the next step of your recovery. What God gives you is the strength to keep on keeping on.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tao}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>