[RJ42]

It's that time of year again, unfortunately. The abuse I suffered as a child was worse on and near holidays, Christmas in particular. I was beaten bloody every day. Several times to the point of unconsciousness. One Christmas,

Possible trigger:

my father stabbed and cut my stomach with a screw driver.

The following year he went after my mother

Possible trigger:

with a butcher knife and I stood up to him, only to be hit in the face with the knife. I chased him around the table until he grabbed his 12 gauge shotgun, it was loaded, and pointed it at my head. I ran 2 miles in the snow wearing only socks pants and a t-shirt, to one of my father's girlfriend's house.

I don't go anywhere on the holidays so my depression doesn't ruin everyone else's enjoyment. Also, my family and people I know are so materialistic, lots of people are, that they have forgotten what holidays are really for.

To top it all off, the PTSD nightmares get worse during the holidays and that sucks. I don't sleep well and this goes on till after New Year's. I've seen so many therapists and have yet to find one that talks with me, not at me. I do the best I can to deal with this. Surprisingly, my cat is my best support, so I spend the holidays with her. I wish I had someone that could look past my pain, anger and sadness, to see who I am inside, so I would not be alone. I'm not sure I will ever be able to trust anyone. It's been 26 years since the incident above happened when I was 16. When the holidays come, it resurfaces like it just happened. I'm no quitter. I've been through Hell and back so many times, I've got frequent flier miles. I just wish something good would happen, so I would have something else to focus on. I'm so very tired, from the inside out.

[QueenCopper]

((((hugs)))) to you RJ42. I am very sorry this happened to you. I have no advice for you but we are here for you.

[TimTheEnchanter]

I am so sorry to hear that. I'am with you in spirit (from one cat lover to another) and awaiting Jan anxiously.

[gayleggg]

I'm sorry you have such bad memories of the holiday. I get more depressed around the holidays, too, but not because of trauma.

Maybe you could volunteer during to holidays. I did that once and enjoyed it very much. I helped out at a senior citizens home and it was very rewarding. I would do it again if it weren't so far for me to drive.

I'm glad you have your cat. Animals can be great healers.

I hope that this year will be easier for you.

[RJ42]

I appreciate it everyone. I've tried to do several different things to occupy my mind. I wish I could volunteer but my disability, spinal injury and nerve damage, disqualifies me from a lot of things. (Insurance issues)

[Unrigged64072835]

I relive trauma this time of year as well. I hope there will be peace for us this year.

[RJ42]

I hope so too Fhrraige.