thread for people who are either on their own during the holidays or are struggling in general.

come together here and let's talk about it

[dexter]

I usually like to be alone on some of the holidays to recharge but with the depression this year I did not want to be alone but haven't been able to find a practical* place to go.

*I was invited by close friends but they are a 6 hour drive and with my health I don't want to make the drive. Plus they aren't cooking they have reservations and being barely working I don't think I could afford it.

[JustJace2u]

I essentially am being forced to spend Thanksgiving AND Christmas with my parents. In years past I've only spent Christmas with them but this year my mother insisted I fly out to see them for Thanksgiving. She says she's worried about me, but at the same time she wants to deny my diagnosis

[PurplePanda999]

I have no family and am dreading the holidays. I do like Thanksgiving and for the first-time time in 3 years I have an invitation to a dear friend's house. But I hate Christmas. Luckily, I work at a hospital and plan on volunteering to work so I don't have to think about it.

[speckofdust]

I'm supposed to go be with my toxic, dysfunctional family (mother, sister and her family, aunt, a few people my sister invited from outside family who I have never met, etc). I used almost an entire session with T talking about how much I wish I could say I'm not going, but I ultimately am too weak too follow through. So, I'll be there, trying to melt into the furniture and blend in with the plants as much as possible. I can't even begin to think about Christmas yet. Holidays are not a big deal to me, and I hate having to gather with people and act like I want to be there and all is great. The fakeness is soul sucking.

[winter4me]

It looks like I will be alone. And lonely this year.

Originally Posted by JustJace2u

I essentially am being forced to spend Thanksgiving AND Christmas with my parents. In years past I've only spent Christmas with them but this year my mother insisted I fly out to see them for Thanksgiving. She says she's worried about me, but at the same time she wants to deny my diagnosis

sounds like a tough situation to be in.

sorry you are dealing with that

Originally Posted by winter4me

It looks like I will be alone. And lonely this year.

join the club.

totally alone..

[gayleggg]

I will be with my daughter and her husband this year. But it's not the same since my mother died in 2008. It is sad. We don't have any other family left. Thanks goodness I have my daughter.

While I am not alone this year, I did once experience this for several years. I was not only alone but I was isolated too. Living remotely, I didn't spend much time around people in the first place. Holidays were the worse and really took their toll emotionally. After the first agonizing year I realized I had to take the bull by the horns.

I made an effort to start my own traditions.

This meant purposely doing things differently in order to try and stave off memories of what I was missing. i roasted a goose instead of a turkey, drove into the town for a movie, bought myself a treat of something I didn't need. I even chose different coloured lights and decorations. I volunteered a few times. And, I made a celebration of Boxing Day. Some of these things I still do today.

[avlady]

i fear how i will be treated at my mean sister in laws house where we are going this year again. she hates me i think, and the first time i met her and her kids she told her kid he was going to end up crazy like me. well after 20 years now, she had hospital stays so she knows what it is like, all i need is some friendly company this year and i am going to make sure i do.

[Unrigged64072835]

Our family is mostly gone or don't celebrate the holidays. I think the biggest thing this year is supporting my daughter as she works retail during them. People are grumpier, more impatient, and try to pull one over her more during this time.

[childofchaos831]

My mother made it clear that I was to either go with my father for Thanksgiving or go with her... I do not want to be around my blood family at all...

I kind of twisted the truth a little without outright lying to my mother. My dad's family is not all getting together, due to my cousin having major surgery recently. He is going to just take my grandmother to a restuarant... I told mom that, and that I was not going with her. I omitted the part of I am not going with him either.

Instead, I am going to the T-day potluck at my recovery clubhouse. I want to be around my chosen family, this Thanksgiving.

[JustTvTroping]

My relatives are going to visit me for Christmas. To be honest, I'm not looking forward to it. Despite spending 18+ years knowing them and spending time with them, we have almost nothing in common outside of a couple of hobbies (dad). I'm not a fan of being stuck with people that I don't have an emotional connection with (just ask my ex-roommates). I have gratitude that my parents took care of me, but I never thought of them as people that I can talk to about everything (unlike my current group of friends), and it feels like they don't know much about me (faking my emotions didn't help), so they're kind of a reminder of how I used to be before doing some real self discovery and embracing everything I really am and part of what I've always been, and I absolutely HATE who I used to be.

[Yours_Truly]

I'll spend them with my siblings and niece & nephew, but yeah, it's not the same since my mother died in 2014. Then again, nothing has been.

[RJ42]

My cat is cooking thanksgiving dinner lmao. Have spent the holidays alone for 7 years now. Joking in an attempt to make it feel less lonely.

[with or without you]

I'm totally dreading them. This is going to be a long vent so just scroll on by if you're not interested. My father died in 2002 so it's just been my mother, sister, and myself. My mother is 77 years old and my sister is 33. I have been living about 400 miles away from them for almost 10 years. My mom and sister have quite a volatile relationship that can change in an instant. They had another blowup just a week ago on my mom's birthday which ruined the whole day and my mom didn't get to do anything. My sister has had a temper - I might even go so far as to say great rage - since her childhood. I believe she has undiagnosed mental illness of her own and my parents made her go to therapy but once she turned 18 they couldn't make her do it anymore. Amazingly, she is a RN and the head of a small emergency room/ICU and as far as I know none of this awful behavior is exhibited there - it's channeled into what is a high stakes, high stress job. But back at home, things are much different. My sister *still* lives with my mom which makes everything toxic. She pretty much confines herself to one room in the house when she is home and my mom can't even knock on the door without her blowing up at her. I have asked my mom why my sister just doesn't get a place of her own nearby so that they could have some breathing room, and my mom tells me that my sister feels she needs to be there in case my mom falls or has trouble with her knees. I laugh out loud at my sister's reasoning because she is extremely nasty to my mom - even though she's a nurse - and gets huffy at her even when my mom is worried about something like her blood pressure. Quite uncompassionate. I will say that my mother is a bit of a hypochondriac and she has a very anxious temperament which can get on my nerves too, but the way my sister treats her is just way overboard and totally out of line, and she's just getting nastier as she gets older.

I had an aunt and uncle who lived 10 minutes away from my parents, but my uncle was my dad's brother, so after my dad died that natural link broke down. The link has been broken further now that this aunt and uncle have both passed away in the last 3 years and their five children are quite a bit older than me and my sister. Those cousins are friendly to varying degrees but the youngest one (who is now 40) was quite mean to us when we were growing up. None of them ever call my mom or sister and we are never invited to spend the holidays with them. We used to when my dad was still alive. After a few recent events they had (milestone birthday party etc), my mom said she was totally ignored and if she ever needed help she would never call any of them ever again.

So....it's going be one effing fantastic Thanksgiving and possibly Christmas with my mom and sister's on/off hatefest, plus my dad's crabby first cousin and her daughter who complains all the time. Happy holidays, everyone.

[Marla500]

My mother passed away many years ago on the night before Thanksgiving. To this day it hurts. I was married at the time and my in laws made my life hell. Every holiday was miserable. My mother in law was evil and she and her daughter at the same time were a nightmare. Things are better now but my heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with family drama, or who is alone.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by Marla500

My mother passed away many years ago on the night before Thanksgiving. To this day it hurts. I was married at the time and my in laws made my life hell. Every holiday was miserable. My mother in law was evil and she and her daughter at the same time were a nightmare. Things are better now but my heart goes out to everyone who is dealing with family drama, or who is alone.

My mom was an only child and her mother died of an undiagnosed blood clot *right* before Christmas in 1971. I can't imagine how agonizing that must be. She was not married yet so all she had was her mom, her father had only died 2 years prior. 32 years old and all alone. Luckily her aunt and cousin had her come back to their home after the funeral for the holidays (they didn't live in the same city).