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#1
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ow......
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![]() Anonymous44144, Fuzzybear, guiltier65, Marla500, MtnTime2896
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#2
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my heart bleeds...
my soul quivers... no body sees... how much i shiver... the pain grows... i pass out... my body rolls... my soul doubts... i pay the tolls... blood for tout... i cant win... the devil aims.. this is sin... im to blame... ![]()
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![]() Anonymous37954, Anonymous44144, Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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#3
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![]()
Possible trigger:
i just dont understand myself... i want to be happy ![]() ![]() i feel like such a bad person... ![]() going to lay down... good(bad)night... ![]()
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![]() Anonymous44144, Fuzzybear, guiltier65, MtnTime2896
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#4
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I once received a card that said "i'd like to wrap my arms around you and take the pain away" That's how I feel as I read your post. I wish i could make it all better for you. Ease the pain and restore some peace and balance in your life. But i don't have that gift . So i send a hug and many thoughts and prayers for peace and healing!
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![]() elevatedsoul
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![]() elevatedsoul
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#5
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thank you...
sometimes i cant put words into existence to communicate anything... so its easier to just look through these pictures and let other people put it into words for me... i hate being weak... just want it to stop so i can help other people feel better... just so confused... sorry for being so depressing... i dont have anywhere else to go... hopefully before the end of the year i can start therapy... even though my religious beliefs have been destroyed... and my faith in existence of a higher supreme being or god is shaken... im praying that this ssdi goes through so i can get help... thats all im thinking about... if this fails... how can i live like this any longer ... i just cant handle much more.... walking on coals, glass, eggshells, blablabla.... i am cracked in every angle and about to shatter to an incomprehensible amount of pieces that would be impossible to reconstruct... why does such an illness exist... it is a self destructing malady... i wish i was stronger...
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![]() Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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#6
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![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]()
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![]() elevatedsoul
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#7
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![]() Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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#8
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Can I tell you something? Well, I'm going to.
You're a lot stronger than you know. When I first joined this site, you were one of the first people I interacted with. You'd make a thread, I'd read it because your words resonated with me. I would make a thread and you'd reply. I want you to know that when I first came to this site, I didn't plan on being alive much longer. My plan was set and I'd picked a date and everything. What you said starting almost nine months ago throughout different posts and replies; it kept me alive. I'm not lying when I say that and I'm not trying to be melodramatic. I hate that you're hurting like this and I wish I could take the pain away. I'd do anything to do for you what you did for me. I know you're strong and even if the glass shatters into the tiniest microscopic pieces and can't be glued back together; maybe you can create something new with the larger pieces left over. Who knows, it could be better than the original.
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"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
#9
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thank you, im doing better today..
its just a huge roller coaster, i don't know how i've come this far but things will be ok some how.. life has too many beautiful things in it not to enjoy, at some point i will enjoy them <3 i'll never give up, i just wish the roller coaster was over though - up and down, all around, we frown but wearing the midnight gown <3 it just easy to feel like a fraud and thats enough to make one depressed... when one cant remember an hour ago, much less months/years ago - or how i feel when im depressed, or optimistic, its just painful ride seeing life slide by but i'm a warrior, and we will not go down so easily; treatment is difficult though thanks |
![]() Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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#10
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Quote:
By the way, I am in love...the guy loves me too but I guess he wants some more time...like me he is from India As for God, I believe he wants you not to wait for help to come from him but for you to grow strong and help yourself..... |
#11
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[QUOTE=elevatedsoul;5372388]thank you, im doing better today..
its just a huge roller coaster, i don't know how i've come this far but things will be ok some how.. life has too many beautiful things in it not to enjoy, at some point i will enjoy them <3 i'll never give up, i just wish the roller coaster was over though - up and down, all around, we frown but wearing the midnight gown <3 it just easy to feel like a fraud and thats enough to make one depressed... when one cant remember an hour ago, much less months/years ago - or how i feel when im depressed, or optimistic, its just painful ride seeing life slide by but i'm a warrior, and we will not go down so easily; treatment is difficult though Oh you cant remember coz your entire brain is not connected...when it does, you will be fine. You and I wish the same for me we will be able to enjoy the world like everybody else once our brain parts are fully connected. Much love and best wishes, Mimi. |
![]() elevatedsoul
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#12
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Quote:
I want to be happy too. That's not being a bad person. Love and best wishes, Mimi |
![]() Anonymous37954, elevatedsoul
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