Talked to my fiance about the "lack of motivation" I am feeling b/c of depression....

I told my fiance about the lack of motivation I am feeling b/c of depression. He is supportive but isn't familiar with depression. He said "I haven't noticed that you've been depressed lately." I think he meant it as "you're doing better than you think you are" trying to be encouraging. But I just thought "he doesn't know you enough to know how often your struggling and how bad it can get." OR "you're doing well right now, don't make this into a problem when you're doing OK." I know he doesn't know much about depression and if he knew that's what I thought b/c of his comment he would be mortified. But it's just how I feel...

Hello prin969: I personally believe it is very difficult for people who don't struggle with depression to understand what it is like for those of us who do. And likewise it is almost impossible for those of us who do to describe it to those who don't. So there's a divide there that is nearly impossible to permeate. I do think most of us become pretty adept at faking it. It may be that you're simply doing a really good job of coming across as "doing better than you think you are."

I suppose it's possible you really are doing better than you think you are. But you know how you feel. And I don't think you can judge that based on what someone who doesn't experience depression says... even if he is your bf & cares a lot about you. In fact, sometimes I think this can cause a family member or friend to overestimate how you're doing, because they have a so much invested in you.

Thank you. I think you're right. Only I know me because only I am me. I can't expect him to know everything that goes on inside. I just wish he could know how I feel without me having to use words.... but I'm glad he at least cares even though we both don't always understand. Thanks for your thoughtful answer. I needed it.

I think a lot of people tell me I'm looking good or doing well because they want to encourage me.
It may also mean I'm a good actor!

Either way it can be infuriating when I feel awful!!!

People misunderstand other people all the time. If someone hasn't lived with depression it's even harder for them to understand.

I take comfort when they want to try to understand.

Well done for being open with your fiancé. It is important to keep lines of communication open.

My husband says he didn't realise what depression meant when we were engaged. He thinks maybe he was in denial.

However, after many years together he has a better idea. (We also had some good couples counselling).
However sometimes I still have to point out how hard it can be to do things, especially when I have to motivate him too.
I'm lucky though, he does try his best.

Sending hugs and warm wishes as you work out your relationship together.