[bornunderabadsign]

I miss who I was back before everything went south. I remember being hungry for knowledge and how ambitious I was then. I wanted to learn everything and it was fun to learn. I floated around in this sea of possibility. Now I struggle with everything. And doing anything feel like it is almost impossible. My mind feels like it is working in slow motion and things don’t come as easy. I have to fight for every scrap of information. Remembering the things I studied is hard and I easily forget names and numbers that I could remember with ease. I miss being me. I miss it as much as I miss someone who I have lost. It is like I died and I’m just a corpse that is masquerading as a living person who only superficially looks like me.

[Skeezyks]

[JustJace2u]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I can relate to what you're saying because I feel it too.

[BrownHat22]

I get that feeling as well. I loved learning before all this mess, and now I just feel dead.

[bornunderabadsign]

What really gets to me is that I asked for help. It wasn't like this was something sudden. Like wam! I get hit by a MI. It was there. It wasn't like I didn't reach out. Parents, school counselors, teachers I was close with, coworkers, a good boss, college professor that I felt could relate, ie. It was like I was invisible. Like I didn't matter. And they say live a little. I can't. I'm dead inside.

[MommaD]

I went through a whole grieving process when I realized that there was a good chance I would never be the "old me", that my old dreams were not likely to ever become reality and that my old life before MI was gone. It was like I was mourning the death of someone close to me, and I guess I was. They say the final stage of grief is acceptance. I guess I'm there no. I have a new reality, a different life and a different me. I don't have to like it, but if I want to move forward, I have to accept it.
But I sure miss me.
So this is my long winded way of saying, I feel you Bornunderabadsign

[Fuzzybear]

[*Laurie*]

Depression is a very real, very cruel disorder. Like many others, I understand the grief you're going through, and I am so sorry.

[deepbluelosthope]

I agree. Depression is cruel and just when you think you are improving it grabs you and drags you back into a black hole where everything feels hopeless.

[1catalina1]

I don't understand how an individual can arrive at a place of acceptance and/or "move on" when there is no hope for the future. I just don't understand how an individual can endure feelings/circumstances such as these... Sad.

[Onward2wards]

I can relate to that state of mind! "Zombie Mode", "Overwhelmed", "Mentally checked out", whatever labels sound right.

What bothers me is when people basically say variations of "oh well, you are at least temporarily broken, just sit there and chill for a while, such is life". As if we're supposed to just stare at this bag of depression and not do anything about it. How does that help, exactly? For me, just passively sitting with it makes things worse.