starting this thread because of a comment today

someone asked.. so how are you?

me: actually pretty ill

them: oh cool, just like normal

(which I found extremely unhelpful!)

does anyone else have any unhelpfull responses, and how did you feel afterwards.

[Yellow Knight]

If it's someone I don't know I'll just respond I'm alright, but that is mostly a brush off because I don't actually want to talk to them. If I know someone well I try not to lie. If I'm doing well that day I'll respond "better than usual" and if I'm not doing well I'll respond "same as usual". Other people don't want to hear that you are down, because it will bring them down with you. The concept of asking someone how they are doing, I feel is a bit self serving in that regard. If you say " not great" They'll respond "I'm sorry to hear that" and then the mood becomes less healthy. If something specific is actually bothering you, you could say "I'm doing well except for this one thing" if its something you actually want the person to know about, or you want to talk about it. That way thr mood is positive, and the person is more willing to listen.

Now if the greeting is "What's Up?" I will Always respond the cieling, or clouds if I'm outside, because I'm a sarcastic asshole.

[StewieGG]

How insensitive of that person. I have been told that when I get upset over something, that it's just my illness. Or when I get angry about something someone did, they use my illness to make me feel like I'm being irrational. It's very hurtful.

[Shazerac]

Most people use "how are you?" as a casual greeting. I usually say just fine thanks, unless it's my husband or a close friend who really wants to know how I'm doing.

[Fuzzybear]

How insensitive grrrrrrrrrrr

That was a horrible thing to say to you, shattered...Obviously this person suffers from the inability to edit themselves...

I agree with Shazerac....people don't really want to know how I am....

[Onward2wards]

I am getting a bit fed up of the standard 2 second pleasantries: How are you? Oh fine thanks. How are you? Fahnnn-tastic. Okay, great then.

We just wasted two seconds of completely empty communication, while rushing past one another from Point A to Point B. Such is meaningful dialogue these days. How pleasant.

A more realistic engagement: How are you? Well frankly, absolutely crappy these days. Do you have an hour or so?
The funny thing is, when I've actually done that, I end up having a meaningful conversation with someone whose day/week/year is about as annoying as mine.

[MtnTime2896]

Well, that was a **** thing to say to you.

When I'm asked, I usually just say, "Fine. You?" I don't tell anyone what's going on with me, normally. Only time I answer honestly is with my fiance (and a few on this site). I do remember one time, I was sick and tired of being asked on a certain day. A friend came up to me and asked, "How you been?" I looked at them directly in the eye and said, "Well, I almost killed myself three days ago." The conversation went silent for a moment and then the person thought I was joking and said, "Same." Then we went about our business as usual. I've had some really bad responses but I don't even write them down anymore because I know those people as having major MI and still in denial. I don't take what they say to heart anymore.

[RJ42]

Quite a few actually. I have complex PTSD and depression. People ask how I am, I tell them not great. The response that p**ses me off the most..."If you "just" let go of the past, it won't bother you."

That comment is the most ignorant in my book. I've been fighting this for a long time. You can't control flashbacks, nightmares, and such. It's not something you can "just let go". Ughh

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by RJ42

Quite a few actually. I have complex PTSD and depression. People ask how I am, I tell them not great. The response that p**ses me off the most..."If you "just" let go of the past, it won't bother you."

That comment is the most ignorant in my book. I've been fighting this for a long time. You can't control flashbacks, nightmares, and such. It's not something you can "just let go". Ughh

Long time PTSD sufferer here as well. I know what you mean. "Let go of the past." Wow, that sounds great, never **** ing thought of that. Thank you, you've cured me!

Sorry, you deal with that, too. A lot of people just don't understand PTSD; not unless they have to deal with it themselves.

[Fuzzybear]

I've had that a lot too... "let go of the past"

Grrrrrrrrrr I NEVER could have thought of that myself

[JustJace2u]

I have a tendency to hide my emotions and just tell everyone things are fine when they really aren't.

[VerMOZZica]

It`s automatic with me.If someone asks how I`m doing my usual answer is I`m ok.I`m not really good at letting others know how I`m feeling.

yellow night,

I love your response to the question " what's up?"

i think it's kinda popular- i've known people who do that

[Smileonmyface]

no one really calls me or asks anymore so they don't get the chance to shoot me down.
but if they did ask i would probably just lie and say fine. it's easier than dealing with people's judginess.

[RJ42]

I am very sorry you deal with PTSD as well So Leighas. In my eyes, it is one of the worst issues to have. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

[MtnTime2896]

Originally Posted by RJ42

In my eyes, it is one of the worst issues to have. I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

I'd take any of my other illnesses times ten, over it. Literally being "trapped" in your mind when it wills you to, and being at your trauma's mercy...it's like it never lost its power. Like you didn't actually survive, at least not all of you. A piece of my soul is gone, another trapped in its grip.
RJ42, always feel free to PM me, if you'd like. Mine's not combat, but I have an understanding of what PTSD does to a person. Any time you need to talk, I'm a few clicks and keys away.

[RJ42]

Likewise So Leighas. I suffered monstrous abuse as a child at the hands of my sperm donor. My PTSD is from that as well. Feel free to message me as well.

[MommaD]

Good grief--that was a singularly jerky thing to say to you!
I suspect most people say stupid things like that because they just don't know what else to say. They expect the usual run-of-the-mill answer ("good. How about you") and when they don't hear it they open their mouths and stuff like what that person said to you comes out.

The thing that really honks me off is that it's not that difficult to show a little caring: "I'm so sorry to hear that" is not that tough of a phrase to think up and use.
Sigh.

In any case, Shattered Sanity, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling crappy right now and I hope things get better for you soon. Ignore the douche-canoe who said such an insensitive thing to you and keep in mind your friends here at psych central

[Misterpain]

Well as I have told many people , if they had any idea what PTSD actually is they would understand when I say Plenty of Trauma Slowly Digesting . The biggest question is are we Digesting it or is it digesting us.

[RJ42]

Good point Mister

[boomerango]

Shattered Sanity, That response from the person would have given me brain freeze. You let yourself open up a bit, and instead of light, you got mud. I am so sorry.
I also think our standard greetings are empty too often. But I contribute, because I reveal myself only cautiously. I hope to be strong and brave enough someday to be more honest if I am to engage in the How are you business. I do think most people don't even want to know the truth, though. It's just hello blahblah blah we are passing each other.

[ThisIsTheEnd]

My brother tells me how he and his wife know all about what I'm feeling and then basically tells me to get over it. Like there's some switch I'm just not flipping to make things better.