What on earth do i do now

I hit rock bottom at the end of September.

What with my heart being run through the proverbial meat grinder, loosing my best friend of nearly my entire life in the process. Being hit hard, really hard by emotions that I had willingly buried many years ago relating to grief. All my alters being unbalanced and fighting for control again. Back again to that certain way of gaining control in ways that are destructive to myself. Loosing my ability to ground myself. PTSD rearing its ugly head again and hitting me full force.

At some point in this complete mess I was in, I somehow rationalised that I knew I had lost everything. That there was nothing left to loose so the only way was up.

Oh I was wrong, so wrong.

I haven't slept in 48 hours, I've already had one trip to hospital and I'm running out of ideas. Of course everyone is busy playing "happy families" and my "friends" have vanished into thin air. I've reached out to a wall of silence.

I'm spending so much time than is good for me thinking about "that"

"Up is down" ? I don't know anymore

I'm sorry for everything you're going through.
Is there anything you can take that works for you for sleep? Right now I'd put that first, if possible.

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It will find us, it comes in the dark and engulfs us in its arms. If we sleep we can't get away, can't return eto her. has us by the throat if we blink for a second it'll take it all away can't close our eyes for a second, otherwise it'll be voer have you ever watched dust fall ? It floats down and own, slowly slipping to the currents of the unseen air that even we can't seem to control or change. It settles on something, maybe other dust, or maybenot. It's magical and light, but never stops moving it can be seen but it can't, even when the looking comes to look for it i don't understand why the keyboard has a smile. I never realised it had features - but why does it whisper to the ears ?

We have figured out which way is up. It's not been an easy few days, but we are finally starting to, we think, move in the right direction..

That's good news!

I hope things will get better soon..

Thank you.. Today has been slightly better, got a few hours sleep last night and it seems to have stopped everything spinning in random directions. Don't feel any better for it, but it's easier to reason with the emotions and start trying to break down and prioritise what's going on. Having problems with alters at the moment as they keep taking the wheel, I don't blame them for how I've been feeling though.

Glad you're feeling a bit better

Today has been a real struggle keeping stable. I realised that not only have I lost my relationship, I have also lost one of the closest friends I have ever had. They want to stay good friends, but how can I trust them.. I can't..
I feel lost without them. Work has kept me occupied today, and has been busy. I keep having to ground myself, as I feel myself starting to get a bit loose on the whole reality thing. This isn't normal.
I had a chat with the crisis team on the phone earlier, who for lack of a better term, just made me feel insignificant and like I was just after attention.
The last thing we want right now is contact with people, so why would we go out looking for the attention!?