hi September and everyone who reads this......

as you know in the past i was very upand down and very verbal in creative corner and depression and anxiety forums. my husband and family have lived with me and my depression forover 9 months, i've been suicidal, manic, very low. ipushed them all away and my friends. something happened and we were blown apart as a family, i thought i would lose everything and everyone. i had stopped going out virtually, couldn't settle to read or watch a movie or tv. i spent most of my time on pc posting morbid poems one day, happy ones the next. life didn't seem worth living. i coulldn't find the tunel let alone the light at the end of it!
it took the family split and my husband leaving for a week to give me the strength to find that extra bit of rope to grasp at.slowly i found it within myself to start looking at me andtrying to overcome each day by making myself busy and being on my own for a whole week was so hard for me, but i managed it. i was up at 8am working on the house - it's for sale and i hadn't had the motivation to do much for 9 months during the worst bout of depression and anxiety. couldn't settle to do it. i went to bed at 1am every night exhausted! when my husband came home i went to live with my dad, but was back in a day and we are working on our relationship, i managed to get a pdoc at last and a psychiatric nurse who comes once per week and i am able to talk freely about my issues with a trained person. i am on my way to healing, it will take a long time, my therapist bought me a big bag of amethyst rune stones as a gift because she was thinking of me and what i'd been through as a child. it made me cry of course lol you know me.
i hope this inspires people, i was so low at one point in my life if i'd have succeeded in the suicide attempt my children and loved ones would have been devastated, i couldn't see that at the time. i will no longer let my abuser ruin my life. i am letting go. i amgaining control of my emotions without wearing a 'mask'. i'm not saying it's easy, but i want to get better. i want to become a councellor myself one day, my therapist said she could help once i'm recovered! i am going to do a five year psychology course part time and hopefully work again as well - in time. there is not enough help in the uk, if i can make a difference to just a few peoples lives i will be happy.

if you'redepressed and feel there's nothing for you - believe me there is - right around the corner. i hope my words have helped. jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

[moodyblu]

I'm glad you're back and "coping" with it Jinny. Yeah...I remember some of those poems...up...down ...up...down.
Well I'll never knock creativity...but that was some mood ride! Anyways...I'm happy you're feeling better and dealing with life's issues a bit clearer. Good to see you and your Husband are trying. Looks like you're where you are supposed to be. I'm one to always believe that there is a reason for everything that happens to us...even depression....just hard to see when it's foggy...huh?
take care now....
D.

thanks moodyblu, nice to see ya again, love ya, kerry xxx

[Psyclox]

Welcome back Jinny, I'm glad to see you still here with us.

[biiv]

hi jinny
just wanted to let you know i read this and im so glad things are looking up for you.
(((((((((((((((((((kerry)))))))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((((( jinny )))))))))))))))))

[bluebearTIN]

That's great jinny, i'm going through your above mention depression, actually it's my first time to go out today for 2 weeks. I'm not talking to anyone, stop minggling with others and up and down moods. It's like a roller coaster ride that won't end. I hope i can get to that feeling of what you're feeling now. Keep it up!

[recluse1]

((((((((((jinny)))))))))) so happy that things are going better for you. you are a great person and deserve such great things. so glad that things are going well with you and your family. your story is an inspiration to us all.

i love you sweetie and am so happy for you.
recluse1

[stefano]

Hello Jinny,
I was wondering where had you gone. Great to hear you are better. I'm fine too now.

((((((((((((((((((love and hugs))))))))))))))))

I hope my story does inspire people, i'm not saying it's easy, still have down days, but so much better! It will always get better, learning to find that certain something from within is the hardest part. Thankyou for all your replies, Stefano I'm so glad you're feeling better too.

love you all, jinnyann xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[MyBestKids2]

(((((((((jinnyann))))))))

thank you so much for the food for thought

[cajun]

Welcome Back ((((((((Jinn))))))))
I'll be your first patient!!

[wickedwings]

((((((((jinnyann))))))))) i totally understand. i had to work myself through all the issues in my life, as well. i tried to kill myself once 14 years ago. well, i'm still here. despite the fact that i've taken care of all the issues i've had, and read all the self-help books i could get my hands on over the years, my depression still sticks. apparently, it's clinical, not just event-related. my chronic depression is treatment-resistant. i hope to find whatever what can help me. i did whatever i could do to help myself get out of the depression. i had thought that searching within myself would do the trick, but obviously not. i want to commend you, though, because it is really helpful. hope is a commodity many people take for granted. i wish the best for you.

[Pejorative]

im so glad youre doing better :>

aww guys thankyou for all your posts - they make me feel so good inside.

love you all, I know you will all heal, as I am right now, it's hard, but we'll all make it

lots of love, jinny xoxoxoxoxo

[samm]

good for you i am glad you are feeling better
i was doing better my self but this week is
a mess i hit the car light off and now i lock the key in
a tunk and hope my neighbor will help me on sat
deal with it all but like you said, somedays i fine no
light around the corner but i am looking to return to
school partime and find a job even if it is for no pay right now, then work with a job center to locate one to keep my mind busy.thanks good luck jinnyann

[Etheria]

Hi Jinnyann - your "come back" is inspirational. I hope you do get to be a therapist one day - - you will certainly have lots of empathy and compassion. Keep growing stronger each day. Many blessings, Etheria

((((((((((((Jinnyann)))))))))))))))
You deserve good no, GREAT things to happen to you again and again. You're a wonderful person.

~~~~~~~~~~~~Jinny~~~~~~~~~~~~