My depression story

About three years ago I found out that I was going to be a father. I was so very excited. Move forward till the birth. Shortly after bringing home the most beautiful little girl in the world I began to feel very anxious whenever I was left alone with her. I would sit in the dark and listen to her cry herself to sleep instead of comforting her like I should have done. While this was occurring I made my wife quit her job so i wouldnt be alone with my daughter as much. This was not easily accepted by my wife. we began to fight terribly because in her eyes I made her quit her job but in mine I needed help with my daughter. Eventually my wife went back to work as I became able to deal with my anxiety of being alone with my daughter. But to be truthful it never went away. I am still somewhat terrified to be alone with my daughter. I love her with all my heart and have attempted to deal with this on my own for over two years. So after my wife went back to work I was being so mean and agressive towards my wife without having any reason to be. Finally after two years of this my wife asked for a divorce. I thought why is my wife doing this to me. But sitting in my room crying i realized that I had been treating her like this in a attempt to get her to quit her job again. I have sense changed my ways but I am fearing i have already burnt to many bridges. I am seeking counseling with my wife. I have recently become very depressed and have slipped back into being absolutely terrified of being alone with my daughter. My wife sometimes feels very supportive but at other times doesnt. I am not sure at this point if it is in my head or actually happening. I joined this site to make friends with people with similar stories and to learn about how to deal with life.
Thanks

((((((((((((((Sprite))))))))))))))

Welcome to PC. I'm glad you're in counselling with your wife, but are you in individual counselling as well? I'm sorry you're depressed and are having a hard time at the moment.

Sprite, a lot of us did terrible things before we understood what was wrong with us. I certainly did. Unfortunately, sometimes we hurt those we love so badly we can't come back from it. I hope you and your wife can but it's important to understand how much you hurt her and how she may not be able to find her way back to how she used to feel about you.

The good news is, you're getting help. I'd recommend individual therapy in addition to couples therapy. Really get to the bottom of what's causing your fear, etc. Once you deal with the problem life will offer many more positive possibilities.

Cyran0

I finally went and seeked my own counseling. I had a short session due to time but It really changed my perspective even after one visit I really cant wait to see them again. Thanks for the support on here also.

sprite,
good luck friend. please remember that even the longest journeys begin with a first step.
pi