Hit with a wave of sadness...

Tonight it just hit me all at once. I've never felt sadness or pain in that way before. And I've got a decent life but lately I've been just thinking about and dealing with this deep loneliness and emptiness. Tonight it came down on me like a ton of breaks and the funny thing is that the thing that triggered it is me realizing my kids aren't little anymore (13 and 10)...or at least not as little as they were. I sobbed harder than I ever sobbed.

I know it's the depression that usually hits this time of year because there's not much daylight.

I feel like I'm not making sense, but I just wanted to reach out to someone somewhere because I am uncomfortable talking about this stuff with my family. Thanks for listening.

{{{hugs}}}

Thanks.

I'm feeling a little better now but WOW I've never had a mood swing like that.

((((((( hugs )))))))

The kids getting older really smacked me down into a bad state. My kids are 31 and 28 now. There are several of us on PC in the same situation. I wish I had some greatr answer to comfort you. I don't, but I will tell you that your feelings are very normal, and you are most definitely not alone. (((HUGS)))

From what I can think of, as to the trigger, is that the children's growth is a sign of growing apart from you, which "feeds" the last straw to your lonely feelings.
Always remember that you are not alone, and your children will always love you.
We're all here to support. ((hugs))

I know what you are going through all too well...this time of year sucks...we live in a world of darkness...especially if you work during the daylight hours....then the holidays are over...big bummer there...then the kids getting older...not easy to deal with at all...I know I would love to turn back the hands of time...just know that you are not alone...I hope you are feeling better!!!!

Thanks everyone. I've been up and down all day. It feels like I'm mourning the loss of someone, which seems weird to me. Even weirder that I'm sad while my kids are sitting next to me in the car. I've gone to this place where I'm sad for things that haven't happened yet and it's driving me nuts. I was thinking the same thing about how my parents are getting older and I probably don't have much time with them either.

The trigger was that an uncle of mine died before Christmas and when I went to the funeral I noticed how small our family had gotten. I wasn't too close with my uncle (hardly ever saw him), but his death just felt like the end of an era for me. I keep trying to bring myself back to the present and I've done well with it throughout the day, but as it gets closer to bed time, I feel the sadness coming over me again.

It's been a roller coaster of a week. I go to work and my work stimulates and distracts me enough that I go home feeling great and thinking that it's passed. The longer I'm home, though, it's like I slowly slide back to this feeling of despair and loneliness. The craziest part for me is that literally up until the other night, I was incredibly happy being alone. And now out of nowhere it's hitting me hard. I swear I think like some chemical imbalance is just outright rocking me or something.

It's the feeling. A gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach that just eats away at me. It's hard to figure out a source. I don't know if I've been deluding myself about being happy alone or not, but dang the feelings are strong.

I feel okay now, but I'm not sure I trust it. It's been like this a few times this week. I feel okay for a while and then I start sinking back towards this feeling.

I was having the exact experience during my past work.
Works kinda gets you moving, but when returning to your emotional sanctuary you feel that something is wrong.
What I did to combat the feeling is to make my room a more organized, comfortable and beautiful place to be in. It made me feel more cozy and well.
Maybe there is something you can improve at home to make your mood better?

Thanks.

When I took down my Christmas tree, I did a little rearranging in my house and it definitely feels cozier. I'm feeling like it's definitely something that's pushing me to make a change.

Wow, exactly the same feelings

Cool. Keep me updated on your situation. Am curious to see where it leads.

Wanted to post an update now that it's been a couple of months. I felt depressed for several weeks after making this post. It pushed me to do a lot of things, though. Spend more time with my parents, focus more on my kids when they are around. I joined a gym and starting exercising and I've been trying to eat healthier. Connected more with people at work. And I started going to church again. I thought it would be nice to become part of a church and try to get more involved in the community and work on adding people to my life over the long term.

I still get twinges of sadness from this, but the strong feelings I had have passed (thank god). I'm glad it didn't drag out over a long period of time. I'm also glad that I seem to have a handle on the things that I know can make me feel better (exercise, eating right, connecting more with people, etc). I know that depression can come in waves and that it's likely to hit me again someday, but for now the wave has subsided and I'm doing much better.

Looking back on this a year later and I'm in a much better place now. I battles those feelings off and on all year long. Been a crazy roller coaster, but I haven't had that feeling in a few months now. Clearer. Feel more like my old self again. Dear God I hope I never face a depression like that ever again. It was crazy brutal.