[guiltier65]

I really have no words left. I am alone.

[theorc]

Hello, guiltier65. Please keep posting. You are part of a caring community.

[*Laurie*]

If you feel able to, can you tell us more about what's going on?

I don't know what is happening for you but you have my attention and well wishes.

My own life is unravelling. Honesty is questioned and so much more. I too feel alone. The individual who should be there is distant and uncaring.

[Fuzzybear]

[MickeyCheeky]

We're here for you, anytime you need it..

[MatBell]

All the best to you You're not alone

[guiltier65]

I am so tired of fighting all of the negative thoughts and feelings of guilt and shame. I would like to just hibernate for the rest of my life.
I can't seem to fight my own thoughts anymore.
I try to choose joy. I want to feel like me again...

[MatBell]

I know how it is. Wanting to hibernate forever, try to get out of your own head.

Yes, choose joy!

[JustJace2u]

I think a lot of us can relate to you at least on some level, I know I can. I was hospitalized at the end of November for having severe SIs with a plan. After being discharged I thought I was doing better and learning to cope, but I can feel myself slipping back into that trap with the little voices in my head trying to tell me I'm no good and I'm a failure. There is no way I'm going back to the hospital, especially this soon after being discharged. Needless to say, I'm sitting in the parking lot at my pdocs office waiting go in and see him. Thankfully I was able to get an emergency appointment scheduled with him for today, vs having to wait until my next scheduled appointment on the 23rd. I'm going to do whatever I can to try and nip this in the bud before it's too late.

Hang in there. Sending lots of hugs your way

[Frankbtl]

Hi guiltier

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now
And maybe you have a lot of "Should have been able to..........Could have's........Would have's............Wish that I could have been better/could have changed things" going through your mind right now??
But you know some things are completely beyond ours (or anyone's!!) power, sometimes things happen that we, or no-one could ever prevent........but that doesn't make us weak, that doesn't make us failures..........that makes us human
It can be much more about doing what we can, where we can remembering our limitations and showing ourselves compassion when it comes to those.
And I know that you have absolutely tried your best so many times e.g. with your grandchildren and your son/daughter, in fact your insight and caring has been completely admirable!!!
So please try to give yourself some of that praise you're due, and some of that compassion you so clearly show to others, you deserve it!!!!

Alison

[guiltier65]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi guiltier

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now
And maybe you have a lot of "Should have been able to..........Could have's........Would have's............Wish that I could have been better/could have changed things" going through your mind right now??
But you know some things are completely beyond ours (or anyone's!!) power, sometimes things happen that we, or no-one could ever prevent........but that doesn't make us weak, that doesn't make us failures..........that makes us human
It can be much more about doing what we can, where we can remembering our limitations and showing ourselves compassion when it comes to those.
And I know that you have absolutely tried your best so many times e.g. with your grandchildren and your son/daughter, in fact your insight and caring has been completely admirable!!!
So please try to give yourself some of that praise you're due, and some of that compassion you so clearly show to others, you deserve it!!!!

Alison

Thank you so much for your kind words. They could not have come at a better moment.
I just came from a visit to my T and your words reinforced the work we did today.
I sometimes ( often) forget to extend the same mercy/grace to myself that I extend to others in my life.
The voices that continually bring up past mistakes get so loud that I can't realize how far I have come in my journey.
You have journeyed with me and are so quick to praise and remind me of the positive steps. Thank you all for that.
I'm sure that I will continue to need those reminders and I'm thankful for each of you that respond to my cries.

[Sunlaien]

Originally Posted by guiltier65

I really have no words left. I am alone.

*hugs* I'm sorry. I wish I could make you feel less alone.

[MtnTime2896]

guiltier, I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Let me say that a person can't always "choose" joy. The thing about 'joy' is that it's an emotion, where as depression isn't. It's a condition and a very sadistic one, at that. With everything you've been dealing with, you are so strong for continuing to fight. That's an achievement that could possibly lead to joy and I really hope you get it. You deserve that feeling.