[Fuzzybear]

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, we finally had something like the relationship mothers and daughters are "supposed" to have all along...

There was some closeness, she didn't behave like a "distant aunt" (and say "what's wrong with that" )

I guess if I'd had siblings I maybe wouldn't have internalised it all, from such an early age..

Or I would have had some real friends, even if it all went wrong eventually

As it was, I had internalised the belief that all emotions were "wrong" and that I was wrong and the cause of something horrible that I didn't understand

(I've mentioned half siblings, but the secrets were... secrets... for so long..)

Maybe the shock of that diagnosis (she had ignored serious symptoms so it had "progressed" very significantly..)..... caused some of her "defences" to break down ? .... and so she became the mother she could have been maybe if the father hadn't hurt her so much (most of which she denied, I was the scapegoat for the whole family )

So yeah... 8 months to "heal" the hurts of decades. She tried. But I'm broken

And the rest of the "family" believed the lies... so now I have no family at all apart from papa bear

(No blood family)

Is all this stuff so "boring" that anyone would feel "indifferent" ?

(This is not about anyone on pc)

[Rohag]

((((((( Fuzzybear! )))))))

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, we finally had something like the relationship mothers and daughters are "supposed" to have all along...

This is enlightening.

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

all emotions were "wrong" and that I was wrong and the cause of something horrible that I didn't understand

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

8 months to "heal" the hurts of decades. She tried. But I'm broken

Such a deep hurt inflicted so early and so foundational... Would eight years have been enough? Would any efforts over any time be enough?

It's not boring at all. It's exceptionally sad. It's exceptionally important.

((((((( Fuzzybear! )))))))

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks Rohag That was hard to write

(Probably in the wrong forum too )

Originally Posted by Rohag

((((((( Fuzzybear! )))))))

This is enlightening.



Such a deep hurt inflicted so early and so foundational... Would eight years have been enough? Would any efforts over any time be enough?

It's not boring at all. It's exceptionally sad. It's exceptionally important.

((((((( Fuzzybear! )))))))

[Unrigged64072835]

It's not boring. I bet quite a few people could relate from this experience.

Both my parents died of cancer (she had ovarian, he had liver). Both tried to make up in the end (my mother more than my father). It was all they could do.

I'm not close to the rest of my family and some treat me as a scapegoat. So I don't bother keeping up.

A lot of things are worth talking about.

[gayleggg]

We take what we can get. My father was not a good father when I was young but as he got old he told me all the things I had needed to hear when I was young. Too little, too late. But it was better than nothing.

I'm glad your mother was able to get closer to you before she died.

[MickeyCheeky]

Thanks for sharing, Fuzzy, I bet it will be helpful for a lot of people

[little turtle]

thanks fuzzy

[feeshee]

It's not boring fuzzy. My mom just turned 85. I've given up hope on a close relationship with her. Validation from her would have made my life so profoundly better. It's just not in her DNA. I try not to blame her. So I understand how you feel. Glad you had some healing time with your mom.

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

When my mother was diagnosed with cancer, we finally had something like the relationship mothers and daughters are "supposed" to have all along...

There was some closeness, she didn't behave like a "distant aunt" (and say "what's wrong with that" )

I guess if I'd had siblings I maybe wouldn't have internalised it all, from such an early age..

Or I would have had some real friends, even if it all went wrong eventually

As it was, I had internalised the belief that all emotions were "wrong" and that I was wrong and the cause of something horrible that I didn't understand

(I've mentioned half siblings, but the secrets were... secrets... for so long..)

Maybe the shock of that diagnosis (she had ignored serious symptoms so it had "progressed" very significantly..)..... caused some of her "defences" to break down ? .... and so she became the mother she could have been maybe if the father hadn't hurt her so much (most of which she denied, I was the scapegoat for the whole family )

So yeah... 8 months to "heal" the hurts of decades. She tried. But I'm broken

And the rest of the "family" believed the lies... so now I have no family at all apart from papa bear

(No blood family)

Is all this stuff so "boring" that anyone would feel "indifferent" ?

(This is not about anyone on pc)

Thank you for sharing, Fuzzy. It is sad, really. Perhaps she could find some peace at the end. It was good you could help her with that despite she was not the mother you needed. This speaks well about you and confirms your capacity to love. I am sending you a big hug