Help

I know I haven't posted in a while.

I've been really struggling with my depression, trying to work, trying to participate in life.

For the past few months things have gotten worse, I am in bed most days, missing work, missing life, can't help but sleep all day and all night.

I just want to feel needed at work. Want to feel that I shouldn't count on work to validate me. Want to feel loved by someone. By some people. People say they care about me but then forget about me.

I feel so lonely. Useless. Alone. Tired.

I'm so sorry to hear you've been struggling lately. You're not alone.
I can't do much but send you virtual hugs and healing thoughts but you can count on both

Thank you

The people who say they care do. I know thinking about it from a non-depressed person's point of view isn't easy, but I'd say I'd like to be by myself 80% of the time. That means I can't support my friends all the time, it doesn't mean I don't care about them. You want to feel needed at work. Go to work because you want to go, remember, if you aren't needed, you wouldn't be employed. 98% of people are bad at communicating their need and appreciation for others, it doesn't mean they don't.

Heh I know it's not going to soothe you, I was alone. Totally alone for six years and was only sleeping and gaming (2003.-2009.) and I survied. No friends, literally. Nobody except my family. But I wouldn't count them as huge support cause I really rarely did go out of the room. 6 years man. Like 6 years in prison cell. Home prison cell. I had OCD so my mind was occupied on that and I had games that were entertaining me. Yeah, true until 2007. I was attending high school, but trust me mate, nobody was friend to me. I distanced, just leaned on wall in the hall, and stared in the floor. I refused any friendship requests. But okay, I was still way too young.

I feel mostly your need to be loved. That's the curse of depressed people. They want love and when they don't get it they get more depressed than healthy people who don't receive love. I am in the same pot man. I have no one. Only bro and mother. Mostly connected to mother although we sometimes really fought (literally, with fists and slaps XD). I trust nobody. Yeah, they may call me paranoic. But I think behind every beautiful and Jesus-like persons facade are lies and rotten flesh! Sometimes I really feel better alone than in company. I have plans to go in the forest and totally cut off from society. Yeah, kinda scary thing that screws your mind totally. But I seen it in movies and it's common for many US citizens to go in woods and create their own world. In Croatia, I can't hide 100 miles deep in woods, but there are still secluded places where I can live. And don't give a fuc*. I always believed people, now I believe only in myself! Cause we are each other our worst enemies. Well, man, you aren't my enemy... But I am disappointed in this "so called humanity". It's hard for depressed man to find love. It's even harder to trust the ones that say that they care about you! I hear always: we care about you... Sugar coated words and empty statements. Truth is, they have more of their own problems to really have time for you. I can have time for you (just an example), cause I have all free time in the world. I am disabled, invalid, receiving miserable social welfare money. But yet... I live! I don't want to screw with your mid but here is quote by Jonathan Swift:

“A wise man is never less alone than when he is alone.”

So just think about it! Empower yourself! Tell to yourself! I am the reason why world exist, not the world! You are the creator, you are your own God! Your choices, your resolutions!

Keep up and get better soon! Hugs from me!

Edit: I don't know your age. But I am 27, never had girlfriend. Had few smooches, kisses... Nothing else. Haven't touched sensitive parts, was gentleman. Just a few dates that ended same or other day. But kissing is fun That's what I miss the most. Not sex, since I am more convinced I will die like virgin than not. Thought of paying pros for that, but I would just screw my head more with that deed. Many great man have died as virgins. Strangely, much much more men than women. By the way, our scientist that brought you (us) electric current died as virgin: Nikola Tesla. I admire such people, and laugh at ones who lose virginity with 13 or 14 years. Damn, that's so stupid, naive, greenhorn and immature. And I just miss my old porn routines... Cause my libido is wreck. I really considered killing myself if I don't lose virginity by 24th birthday, than 25th, than, 26th... Now I am 27 an counting. No more any thoughts of suicide about that. I am not living for sex... after all. I am more like Tesla. Über intelligent and with high moral values. I admire women, but don't look at them as material for, you know what. So bro, hold on, you will pass it!