[hamstergirl]

A few days ago, I responded to a young man with a certain nickname. In fact, I was the only one to respond to his problem. Yesterday, I was informed that the nickname was offensive to half the members of the board. I took this as gospel, even though I didn't understand why it was offensive. (So he's eating Canada's national animal, so what?)

I thought the situation was funny in the category of black humour so I told my attendant friend who's worked with me for six years. And I told her the name.

She said: "You do know the sexual connotations behind that name, don't you?"

Me: (completely in the dark): "No."

Then she explained it to me. And I felt completely humiliated. Angry at my ignorance and how I could be so naive! I could kick myself.

I have lived a very sheltered life, in part due to the fact that my parents were very overprotective, in part because they verbally abused me severely and I isolated myself completely as a result. I am book smart, but certain areas I am completely in the dark about.

Sex is one of them. I came into college not knowing what a condom was, or what a gay or a lesbian was. I knew how babies were made, but that was only by chance research on my own. Anything else on sex, I am completely in the dark about. I have never been on a date with anyone, never held hands, never kissed and never made love.

I am 33 years old and the idea of research into these things sickens me.

Which means I am very ignorant. When someone told me that "You're not wearing a bra under your shirt," I didn't have the good sense to be scared. Someone could do certain things and be sexually attracted to me and I would be completely in the dark about what they intended to do. I need protection more than anything, before I am assaulted.

Which means I don't know if certain names are deeply offensive or not.

Please forgive me if I have given offense.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.

[Taonuviel]

I don't have much to say about protecting yourself, maybe someone else would, except the suggestion to carry a cell phone(even without service they work for 911, if you don't have one someone you know probably has an old one sitting around), and mace.
As for naivety, don't feel alone! I wouldn't have recognized the name, either, and still have no idea what it could mean despite your description. And I went to a public high school! The most I know I learned working with youth, and that's still not much more than basics. I don't think it's too necessary, and figure it can wait for newlywed books should that event ever happen.

[dexter]

hamstergirl... you are NOT alone.

I very often feel EXACTLY the same way... I have often in the past and it still happens now.

Its one of those kinds of embarrasment that we never want to admit or talk about... and because of that it makes us feel as if we are the only ones in the world who sometimes don't "get it." But that is far from the truth.

There is LOTS of slang out there and no one is going to get all of it or be comfortable with all of it. People who hang out with friends who use the same slang form "cliques" of people who are comfortable using that particular slang because they know their friends understand it... and to us or others that just reinforces the idea that "everyone else gets it" when that is not true.

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--http://www.idexter.com

[Peanut61]

Hi Hamstergirl. The poster posed a legitimate concern about his girlfriend's severe depression that he was feeling, and you gave him some really good advice. I wrote a reply of appreciation for you efforts, and I really admire that you reached out to him with concern. That should count just as much as the name he used in logging in, right, so I'm not really sure why you should feel humiliated.

Regards, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[SeptemberMorn]

You don't need to feel humiliated. HE is the one that showed his callousness and ignorance. All you did was be kind to him by answering his valid complaint. Your innocense is refreshing.

Did you check his bio?? He has himself down as a Teacher! Mercy! I hope he's not a school teacher!

I'm surprised that his post is still here! If it was me, I'd ban him. He's nothing but a trouble maker.

As for your personal protection, I'd get me some maze and not worry about learning terms and slang that don't belong in your life. Keep your innocence! That's more precious than gold!




<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>