[Loner_girl18]

I keep coming back to this question over and over again. I can't seem to be able to come to terms with myself about the fact that I might be depressed. The signs are there - fatigue, difficulty concentrating, feelings of loneliness, sadness, worthlessness, body aches and pains. But every time I laugh or smile I think, "No I can't be depressed, someone who's able to be happy can't be depressed." It doesn't help that my parents feels the same way, even after a local nurse diagnosed me with depression (I guess she's different from an actual doctor because my parents don't believe her assessment was accurate). My father refuses to say the "D word" around me or the family, and my mother seems to think I'm going through a phase. Ordinarily I would agree with her, but no phase has ever hurt this much. I constantly think about what a failure I am, how I don't deserve to feel unhappy because of the life that I live, and I have these awful thoughts. Thoughts about hurting people, my father especially. It's just a never ending cycle of doubt and self-loathing, has anyone else experienced something similar?

[-jimi-]

I've never experienced sadness with depression. I have never cried while depressed.

[MickeyCheeky]

I feel the exact same way.. I totally get you I was never diagnosed with depression, so I don't even know what my problem is.. am I just sad or is this depression? I have a few simptoms, but not a lot. And I don't really feel that bad most of the time - although I do feel like I'm worthless and lonely most of the time.

I'm sorry you feel this way

[laffer75]

It sounds a lot like it. Depression for me comes in cycles; so sometimes I'm ok. You should talk to your doctor about this and maybe try counselling. Either way, I hope you find answers

[ReptileInYourHead]

Hey lonergirl

Do you feel lonely girl?

I was depressed when I was your age, I felt like I just didn't fit in.
Being a loner is kinda depressing since we yearn for interaction wether we admit it to ourselves or not.

What do you think is making you so sad?
And never mind that voice telling you that you have no right to be sad, that's not you, you must have picked that up along the way somewhere.

Yes, I have.
My current way of coping with such thoughts is listening to them, and understanding why they appear. I have reached a state in which I know why I feel bad feelings towards people among other things and accepting those feelings.
I personally don't see mental illnesses as illnesses, diseases or flaws. I see them as states of mind towards the reality we have experienced during our lives. In a playful manner - "An experience of the current relationship between us and the world".
You can use the aid of your parents by expressing your feelings. If that doesn't feel right or doesn't work out for you, there is no shame in seeing a therapist. Eventually feelings are our own, so we need to find whichever way possible to treat them.
By the way, a nurse is no professional to count on when it comes to a mental diagnosis. A diagnosis requires 2-3 meetings with a mental health professional.

[Loner_girl18]

Originally Posted by ReptileInYourHead

Hey lonergirl

Do you feel lonely girl?

I was depressed when I was your age, I felt like I just didn't fit in.
Being a loner is kinda depressing since we yearn for interaction wether we admit it to ourselves or not.

What do you think is making you so sad?
And never mind that voice telling you that you have no right to be sad, that's not you, you must have picked that up along the way somewhere.

I'm mostly sad about my inability to express myself. I've had thoughts that I don't think I can ever share with my parents because the thoughts are about them. Then I just end up feeling like a terrible person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I used to be angry all the time, and I would kind of go through my days with this burning hatred and anger towards my father. But now I'm just tired. I'm tired of being angry, tired of hating him so much, and tired of hating myself because of the way I feel.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Do you want to tell us why you hate your father?

[MessyD]

Originally Posted by Loner_girl18

I keep coming back to this question over and over again. I can't seem to be able to come to terms with myself about the fact that I might be depressed. The signs are there - fatigue, difficulty concentrating, feelings of loneliness, sadness, worthlessness, body aches and pains. But every time I laugh or smile I think, "No I can't be depressed, someone who's able to be happy can't be depressed." It doesn't help that my parents feels the same way, even after a local nurse diagnosed me with depression (I guess she's different from an actual doctor because my parents don't believe her assessment was accurate). My father refuses to say the "D word" around me or the family, and my mother seems to think I'm going through a phase. Ordinarily I would agree with her, but no phase has ever hurt this much. I constantly think about what a failure I am, how I don't deserve to feel unhappy because of the life that I live, and I have these awful thoughts. Thoughts about hurting people, my father especially. It's just a never ending cycle of doubt and self-loathing, has anyone else experienced something similar?

I felt the same way when I was diagnosed with depression. I had a hard time accepting it. I knew something wasn't right but I didn't think I was sad enough or had a good enough reason to feel that miserable. I felt hopeless and worthless but I wasn't suicidal and was able to go to work and had days when I was able to laugh. I also never cried. Turned most of the time I was just numb and apathetic, didn't really care about anything. I figured this is life. Only after couple months of counseling, when I started to feel a little better, I realized that ' yeah, I really was miserable '.

I'm sorry your family makes you feel that way, I know it just adds to a depression voice, it's sad that there is still so much stigma around this. That is why I am not able to talk to people about it, except for my therapist. I bet if you had broken leg they wouldn't call it a phase. I really hope you can convince your family to get you in counseling so you can get some help and validation that you deserve.

Originally Posted by Loner_girl18

I'm mostly sad about my inability to express myself. I've had thoughts that I don't think I can ever share with my parents because the thoughts are about them. Then I just end up feeling like a terrible person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I used to be angry all the time, and I would kind of go through my days with this burning hatred and anger towards my father. But now I'm just tired. I'm tired of being angry, tired of hating him so much, and tired of hating myself because of the way I feel.

Intense emotions can overtime tire us. It's ok.
I feel time to rest, relax and orient your thoughts is what you may need. Orient your thoughts so you can understand them. There are reasons for our thoughts and feelings.

[sugarbeeMe]

Originally Posted by Loner_girl18

I'm mostly sad about my inability to express myself. I've had thoughts that I don't think I can ever share with my parents because the thoughts are about them. Then I just end up feeling like a terrible person for even having these thoughts in the first place. I used to be angry all the time, and I would kind of go through my days with this burning hatred and anger towards my father. But now I'm just tired. I'm tired of being angry, tired of hating him so much, and tired of hating myself because of the way I feel.

Have you tried writing these intense feelings and thoughts in a letter? Get it all out onto paper. Those tense, bottled-up emotions, with no release valve, can become toxic. I've processed them by writing everything out into a letter. Then I would choose to bury, burn, or tear that sucker up. Your feelings will not magically go away, but this can be one healthy way to begin processing them.
Remember your feelings are not right or wrong- they just are...