[MtnTime2896]

To be willing to accept treatment, to be willing to fight for yourself and work to get better, one must care about him/herself enough to do so. I don't.

I don't just have a "low self-esteem". I truthfully hate myself. I believe that I deserve punishment sever enough to atone for my crimes. One of those crimes: being me. It's to the point that when I'm complimented or someone attempts to prove my worth to me, I have this overwhelming urge to kick their teeth in.

This begs the question: How do I actually help myself if I feel I'm unworthy of it? How do I fight against such a strong emotion known as 'hate'? How do I care enough to ever actually believe I deserve to get better?

Forgiveness is the key. I'm lucky because my family forgave me for what I did from the start. Be with people who forgive and love you whenever you can. There are so many positive, caring people right here at PC. When you are alone and troubled, seek forgiveness from God. When you truly believe you are forgiven, you will slowly start feeling more grateful than hateful. Also, medication has helped me calm down some of my extreme emotions. Read and watch uplifting and funny things. I really do think you can get better with time!

[eeeyore]

I wish I could understand those feelings, but I don't know why but my self-esteem is high maybe due to my unconscious delusions of grandeur.

Rationally I can tell you that not even Bin Laden deserves punishments and atonements because it is irrational to add other evils to the ones already present.

[Fizzyo]

I'm afraid I don't have any easy answers.

[Fuzzybear]