[breakdown53]

Hi there,
I'm hoping someone can relate to what I've been going through and struggling with. I crashed into a major depression 3 months ago triggered by the ending of a 10 year relationship. I'm off work on medical leave. Since then I've spent days and days either in bed or on the couch. I've binged watch countless series on Netflix and watched movie after movie. I want/need to change this behaviour pattern or going back to work is going to be impossible.
I am in counselling and see my GP regularly.
Before I crashed I was exercising every day and keeping on top of my "to do" list. I'm 53 and have never experienced such intense inertia and lack of motivation. I realize that it's a symptom of depression but, in my case, I feel like I've normalized the "couch potato" behaviour. Each night I commit to getting out of bed in the morning and when morning rolls around I easily let myself stay in bed and surf the Internet on my phone.

How do you get out of bed and face the day when you're not working and there's very little that you HAVE to do?

I live alone, except for my cat.
Any guidance, wisdom, empathy is appreciated.

[kkrrhh]

I'm sorry you're going through this.
Have you considered some sort of intensive outpatient program, or maybe a support group or 2? That might be a good small start, not as hard as work but something you'd "have" to do some days to help get you going.

Not sure if this would help, as personally it's not usually enough to get me going ha, but you could also look for a good alarm clock app. There are some that will let you print and stick a QR code somewhere, like for example in the bathroom, and then the alarm won't stop until you get up, go to the code, and scan it with your phone.

[breakdown53]

Hi kkrrhh. Thanks for your suggestions. Yes, having something to do is incentive to get going in the morning. I have been trying to find an outpatient program but haven't had any luck yet, am also looking into volunteer work. That alarm clock app sounds pretty cool. I will look into it.

[DechanDawa]

It feels artificial to set things up to do just so as to have some kind of schedule. I recently made that a goal with my counselor. But it did help. I completely changed my sleep schedule and now I wake up really early and get out of bed and have a list of things to do. But it feels a little bit hollow and empty. It's only a step towards creating something more meaningful.

However, I think walking depression is better than in bed binge watching depression. If you insist on staying in bed try to be productive. Pull out a paper pad and pencil and make lists. Things you might do. New goals. Treatment options. I am doing CBT and DBT.

Yeah, so you have to set up a schedule even if it feels artificial and do it. Because it is a step away from where you are now.

I have been where you are and unless you want to live and die in bed you have to challenge this idea that it is normal. You actually need to self-talk yourself out of this.

I know it feels normal but it isn't. It was okay while it lasted but now you have to say that was that and get on. You have to fight through the inertia.

I suspect this isn't going to happen for you overnight. You are still grieving. You are still in pain. So respect that, and be gentle with yourself while also being a bit forceful.

[DechanDawa]

I am sorry for your loss. It sounds extremely traumatic. So of course you would take to your bed. Who wouldn't? Best wishes for a safe and sound recovery from this setback.

[breakdown53]

Thank you DechanDawa. "Walking depression is better than in bed binge watching depression". Amen to that!
It encourages me to know that you have made healthy changes to your routine and have been where I am.
I will try to create a schedule and fight the inertia. I have to do it. I don't want this to be my modus operandi.

[DechanDawa]

Originally Posted by breakdown53

Thank you DechanDawa. "Walking depression is better than in bed binge watching depression". Amen to that!
It encourages me to know that you have made healthy changes to your routine and have been where I am.
I will try to create a schedule and fight the inertia. I have to do it. I don't want this to be my modus operandi.

Yes. I so know where you are and many here are fighting the same battle. In fact, I think only a person who has been there can understand it. People here fully know that feeling of safety from being in bed. I think that is the main thing. Being out in the world is dangerous. It can hurt. We go along and then something really big happens and it knocks us down.People don't stop working and take to bed over a small pain. So PC is a good place to talk about big pain.

Yeah, so this is the right place to talk about this.

In fact, I still spend a lot of time in bed. More than the average person. It is still my safe place. But now it's kind of like my office with stacks of books all around. I purposely don't have Netflix and I don't rent DVD's but I am somewhat addicted to inspiring YouTube videos. I also live alone. No pets. Just a cactus.

But bed isn't really where growth happens.

You are in my thoughts and please take care. Post often. Heck, post us from your bed and let us know what's going on.

But also post about what you did while out of bed, too!

[Rose76]

Mainly I offer you empathy. I've been in and out of states like yours, but was lucky enough for them not to last as long as your has. Something always came along and managed to interrupt the inertia . . . . something I felt I just had to do. I'm so sorry for what you are feeling. I know how helpless you can feel . . . like you're in quicksand.

Being on your own too much doesn't help either. If you could find some worthy endeavor to commit to. You sound smart enough to realize that this isn't going to get easier, the more time that goes by. I used to just let depressions kind of run their course. And they would. After some weeks of doing nothing, I just get sick of doing nothing and spring back. But when it's gone on months, you can get really trapped down there.

If you or I were trapped down a deep well we fell into, emergency responders would show up and teams of people would exert round-the-clock effort to rescue us and retreive us out of there. If we went walking and got lost in some deep woods, same thing. A whole town might turn out to comb the area systematically to locate us. But you can get equally lost in your own head, and there you are - lost, trapped . . . but no one's looking for you. Sometimes. I've thought about how it would be for a man in space doing work outside the spacecraft who gets untethered from the space vehicle and floats away. He would be so utterly lost. I used to fear getting lost like that. But not so much now. I'm with someone who needs me.

But mainly I want to say that it can be unbelievably hard to alter the way you've gotten used to spending your days. People who have never been clinically depressed have no idea.

[breakdown53]

DechanDawa thank you so much for your understanding and encouragement. Thank you Rose76 for your empathy and wise words. I found your trapped/lost analogy powerful. I agree that having a worthy endeavour to commit to would be helpful.
Until experiencing this bout of depression I never really understood how people could become so immobilized and house bound. This has opened my heart to others who are struggling. I am determined to pull myself out of the deep depression well. I will post about my progress or regression. Hopefully more prog than reg.

[Rose76]

I will look forward to your posts. Sometimes it will feel discouraging, but take heart from even the smallest victories.

[Fuzzybear]

[breakdown53]

Progress! Since staring this thread I have managed to be more active. I'm still not getting out of bed until 11am but I am doing things rather than moving from the bed to the couch. I went to my community choir practice for the first time in 3 months. I've started getting treatment at a community acupuncture clinic and I've been riding my bike and walking for exercise. I actually made dinner rather than resorting to deli salads and pre-cooked chicken. Depression and anxiety are still my companions—I acknowledge their presence but try not to let them rule me.

It does help to create a schedule the night before even if I don't get to everything on my agenda. It's bizarre how I struggle to organize myself. My cognitive functioning is somewhat dull which I guess is not surprising considering how inactive mentally and physically I've been. I trust that my decision making ability and my focus will improve as I continue to move through each day.

Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. Your support, understanding and encouragement have been helpful.

[Rose76]

So glad to hear you are doing better.

You inspire me!

[catnip123]

Since you like cats (I guess since you said that you have a cat) you may enjoy volunteering at a local cat shelter. I started doing that and it has helped me quite a bit. I enjoy being with the cats and like to think that they miss me if I don't show up at my scheduled time.

[campervanman]

Hi breakdown53.

As the last thread suggested about volunteering for a cat shelter etc.!! (Which by the way is a great idea) as I have been where you are now (No confidence, no motivation, and what the hell attitude!!) I can empathize with you 100%. `BUT` I did what catnip123 suggested (Worked, delivering food parcels` to church`s and hostels` around the Northwest) And I was made up, as it gave me a purpose to get out of my pit and a feeling of self satisfaction!! `Knowing I have given happiness and a feeling of being wanted to somebody else!! `AND ALSO` I met people who befriended me, had the banter with and went out on fishing trips` with!! `This made me feel great and needed inside!
`Better than throwing pills` down your mouth`?

Take care my friend............And I hope you feel better soon!

[Clara22]

Volunteer work helped me, definitely
And getting more pets (and taking care of them)
Sending you a big hug