Depression, low self-esteem and I hate my life

First, please excuse my English, because I am hungarian, English is not my first language.*
So, I am girl and I am so in love with another girl who doesn't even know I exist, because she's a celebrity. She is the love of my life for a year and my love grows up every single day. I am so depressed because I cannot meet her and be her girlfriend. (I live in Hungary and she lives in South Korea, anyway she is straight etc). Maybe I seem just a fangirl, but I love her more than I love my life. People say she probably has a boyfriend. Yesterday, when I read an article with her and a possible boyfriend I went to another room, I locked the door, I sat on my knees and started crying, while screaming "why?! Why is this happening?! Girl (saying her name), I love you!!! Why can't I tell you how much I love you?! I think I'm gonna kill myself" . I couldn't stop crying for one hour. I was so jealous, I've never been jealous before knowing about her existence. This is not the first time I cry because of this. She is different, I love her very much, I cannot express with words how much I love her!! Yeah, I know what you think, I'm crazy. I know this is not ok. I am not okay! I know that she's a human like me, and she has a private life! But it's hard...*
Can someone help me ?! I wanna learn to accept life as it is and deal with it. She'll never be my girlfriend. First, I thought I just admire her and nothing more. But no! I do not admire her. I don't wanna be like her, she is not my role model, I don't wanna look like her or something. I just want her! I want every part of her. I began to have fantasies. I imagine how good it would be to meet her and then she would keep me tight in her warm hands...then we would kiss and be together all night...you know...I cannor bear it anymore. I often cry...my self-esteem has been low since I was born, but it's getting lower and lower. Please, help me.

Have you ever met her in person?

we need to talk ... a female kpop idol saved me from a very deep depression ... it seems one is driving you down ... we are like the two ends of a magnet ... dreams ... hopes .... of reaching out to another can be a powerful force ... becoming obsessed can also be a powerful force ... but in a hurtful way ... we must accept reality ... she has a life there ... you and I have lives very far away ...

even if you lived across the street from her there is no way of knowing if your advances would be accepted ... relationships like you want are a two way street ... I understand the "want" ... "need" to have someone to feel for you like you do for her ... maybe if you feel that strongly about her you should consider her happiness ... she maybe reaching out to someone "there" to fill her life .... maybe you should do likewise ... and reach out to someone who lives in your area .... we can admire ... idolize ... even love a celebrity ... but think for a minute
all the thousands who feel like you do ...

that is not a reason to be depressed ... I am not explaining myself very well partly because I know what your going thru and it is hard to dash a dream you have so strongly helt ... I have no desire to have a relationship but I do hope some day to meet and thank her for having such an impact on my life ... I also hope you can temper your dream to allow your love for her to not be so all consuming ... to understand you are torturing yourself ... This is tough ... please let me be your friend ... we can get thru this ... Tigger . " a sunshinner ... forever " ...

No, I haven't.

Hi CLwife,
I am not a therapist but it seems more an obsession than a simple infatuation. To me the most important elements are not in the characteristics of this Korean celebrity but in all what your infatuation is hidding. Perhaps you can see this as a path of discovery of yourself. I think you have asked for help here because a part of you knows that this is not only about her, but it is mostly about you. Please, don't be afraid of going to a professional and tell her/him about your feelings. Professionals are trained to hear all kind of things. Please, keep posting
Sending you a hug