[wickedwings]

ah, i hope i have provided enough support for those of you who need it. i'm currently in a place of no hope. i'm too tired. way too tired. i want to live. i'm so exhausted from just holding on. if there was a good way to do cryogenic freezing, i'd like to go into cryogenic freeze and be resurrected in a time where they have a handle on treatment-resistant depression. then again, it's not in my life-time and i'd have to leave everyone behind. it would not be fair. so i keep staying here. i can't do anything. it's so bad, especially since my pdoc has given up because we've ran out of options. now my insurance refused to cover for vns therapy. i'm too tired. i think i'll just hibernate, but i want to be in life. i don't want to wake up and find that all of my pet family has aged and passed on. i love them too much not to give them my love. but, i'm not able to function. my hubby would miss me if i hibernate, anyway. i feel as if i'm a ghost, unable to affect anything in life. i hate being dead and a ghost. sorry if this is so depressing. i try to focus on the good, and give support, but it's not helping me. but, my support is very genuine. i feel like a fake because of the way i feel. so depressed. so tired. but i like to give out hope to those who need it. crying all over the world wide web apparently doesn't get me what i need - vns therapy, relief, energy. i do so appreciate your support, though. well, i hope a world of good will come out of this because it's been 1 1/2 years of pure hell for me. there's so many good around me, and life is perfect (not like fairy tale), and i can't even feel joy or pleasure. i wish so much to live. i'm a complete vegatable. don't talk much, although i type a lot in here. wish, wish, wish, and wishing for a miracle. praying on and on. so tired. too tired.

[darkpurplesecrets]

((((wickedwings))))

I hear you dear and I am right there with you. My heart goes out to you as I feel your pain. You are not alone and though it is so dark, I hold out my hand to you. I am sorry you feel this way, and maybe because I understand, my heart breaks. Take my hand friend and together we will fight this. Maybe what one of us could not do alone, the strength of two could somehow find a way to walk through. No matter what, I love you and send you all the strength I can. I know that it may not be much, but you can have it.

I know sometimes telling someone to hold on seems frustrating at best. Holding on gets heavy at times and you just want to let go. Go ahead my friend, we will carry you until you find strength once again. We will walk with you and be there to listen and just sit quietly ready when you need us.

I know what feeling dead is and feeling like a ghost, but reaching out and posting is good. Keep reaching dear. I see you and I can read between the lines. You are here and I am reaching back. You are not fake and I know that you mean everything you post. You have supported me at times when your words gave me something to hold onto.

If I could send you that miracle I would. But I send you my friendship and love. I care ww so much. I am here. PM me if you need to, I am always here for you. I love you.

camilionwords1truth

[moodyblu]

I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I saw your distress. I guess I'm currently not in a good position to help much...but i understand what you are dealing with. I know tired. I know "hollow". I know "feeling like a ghost"....cause I am a freaking ghost! The invisible man...
I'm tired too. Been wondering when was the last time I REALLY slept. Have to go to work and "produce" now for us. Wish I could just stay in bed...even if sleep evades me.
Sorry...not very supportive...but...you're not alone.
I understand this quite well...."Melancholia" and I are always uneasy partners.
Sorry...for your pain.......
m.b.

[Mouse_]

Wicked, YOu say your tired on holding on, maybe its about letting go? Holding on for me did its job so well, like you describe, unable to feel pain or pleasure, but to feel pleasure we have to feel pain and as your already feeling pain, why not let go and allow the pleasure to enter too.

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((hugs to all))))))))))))))))))))))))))) My hands are outstretched may we all try and walk through this together.

BB

[wickedwings]

if i let go, that means i'm giving up. i can't give up on my life.

[SadStranger]

I am in the same place wickedwings... so I can't be of any help other than telling you that I totally understand and that you are not alone.
Hugs,
Debbie

((((((((((wicked wings)))))))))))I felt like you not so long ago, then felt much better, I seem to be falling again into the same place. I too have to live, i cant give up, there are too many people who would miss me and I cannot leave that legacy behind. I have climbed up before, Iwill again, and if you hold my hand, and the others feeling the same, we cam do this together somehow. Please know you are not alone, you are so compassionate and supportive of others, you are tired,I know that feeling too. Tired of doing nothing
yet wanting to make a difference. We will get there my friend. WE WILL. Gentle. soothing hugs to you and anyone else feeling this way.

Love always, Jinny xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[debbie_tabor]

I'm sorry you feel so tired. ((((((wickedwings))))))) we love you.

You are always in my prayers.... you have been such wonderful support to me... and I wish,, wish that I could take on some of your pain.. if just for a little while to give you some relief....(((huggs and warmth))))

[wickedwings]

thank you all for your support. (((((hugs to you all)))). freewill, i wouldn't wish the pain on anyone, even on my worst enemy. i do appreciate it. love to you all.

Wickedwings,
What is vns therapy? I haven't heard of this before.

I've been where you are and feel for you! Are you taking meds.? I ask because I started taking meds. to combat the tiredness which really lifted me out of my depression.

Take care!

[chalmette70043]

(((((((((wings))))))))))))

[bluevixen]

((((wicked))))..i was where you are last night..and as you know you were there..and you and i with the help of god helped pull someone from that dark hole of abyss...i will be ever so garteful for you...you are what i call a true friend..please be strong..it was a triple miracle...if you ever need me..please don't ever hesitate ..hugs bluevixen