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#1
Apr 12, 2017, 07:46 PM
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As pathetic as it is, I'm looking at it as an achievement. I finally, after almost four weeks, took a shower (I know, disgusting, right). My paranoia and depression has made it nearly impossible to even consider the idea for almost a month. When that water hit me, it felt so good I couldn't stop laughing, and I actually had a smile on my face. A smile! Damn, it's been a while since I could genuinely smile alone. I wasn't scared, I wasn't sad, only one isolated hallucination and I felt like me, again.
It didn't last long. A mere two-ish minutes, I think. Then I was back to being depressed and bashing myself for being so damn pathetic. The voice was back to berate me, even doing it right now. And it sucks. It really ****ing sucks. Two minutes of relief after a month of being too low to shower. Two minutes. But you know what; it was two minutes more than yesterday, or the day before that and so on. So suck that, MI! It might be a small victory but damn it, it's mine, and it's something. A drop of water to a parched mouth. The drop was pure and replenished just a hair of vitality and a craving for more.
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
 *Laurie*, Aardwolf, Anonymous57777, BrownHat22, Fuzzybear, MickeyCheeky, qwerty68, Rohag, starryprince, subtle lights, whisperingskye
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#2
Apr 12, 2017, 07:55 PM
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Quote:
__________________
My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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| MtnTime2896
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 MtnTime2896
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#3
Apr 12, 2017, 08:08 PM
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"Two minutes more than yesterday... So suck that, MI!"
 May I add a grrrrrrrrr to MI  ((((((( So leigheas )))))))
__________________
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#4
Apr 12, 2017, 08:30 PM
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I think it is a victory and it is not disgusting. This is us. Depression is like that. Disgusting is to be awfully rich and not to care about children without a piece of bread. Depression isn't
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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| Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896
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#5
Apr 12, 2017, 10:27 PM
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I'm so happy for you So Leigheas
 . I'm glad that you are able to enjoy yourself a bit with a real smile. So yeah, suck that MI!
__________________
"I look outside, And see a whole world better off, Without me in it trying to transform it" - Twenty One Pilots Medications: Paxil HCL |
| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#6
Apr 13, 2017, 02:16 AM
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I'm happy for you! Perhpas next time it's gonna be three minutes instead of two, or four.. so keep trying, my friend
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#7
Apr 13, 2017, 08:27 AM
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At the beginning, when sliding down slowly on the depression slope I used to shower exessively. It felt good, it felt that it's cleaning the negativity I've had absobed during the day. That was the time when I was still fighting wanting to change things, improve myself, change the world. Then there were the breakdowns, and while I still do it from time to time, there is no "fighting" anymore..
Still, when I do sower, I still feel that clearing effect, not just physically.. Not saying it's the same situation. And hugs
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#8
Apr 13, 2017, 08:42 AM
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Two minutes is better than 0 minutes; when you feel yourself smile, that is what recovery feels like. It happened once, it could happen again. 
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| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#9
Apr 13, 2017, 09:40 AM
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Sounds like a pretty decent victory to me, however small.
__________________
Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
| MtnTime2896
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#10
Apr 13, 2017, 10:02 AM
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That's not a small victory, it's a HUGE victory!
You. Are. GREAT! |
| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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#11
Apr 13, 2017, 10:08 AM
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Thank you everyone
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
| Aardwolf, Rohag
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#12
Apr 13, 2017, 11:39 AM
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"damn good show" as us brits say.
Seriously. This is one hell of an achievement, and something to be proud that you accomplished. Give yourself a pat on the back from us! You deserve it.
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"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" Last edited by Aardwolf; Apr 13, 2017 at 11:48 AM. Reason: Words |
| MtnTime2896
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| MtnTime2896
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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