[BrownHat22]

You know how you can have someone you hold dear to yourself, and trust them with anything, and they end up hurting you, but you hold onto them anyway? Today I came to terms with the fact that one of my childhood friends who I knew for 16 years had repeatedly emotionally and verbally abused and exploited me. I never really looked back on those moments because I am a very forgiving person, but today after reflecting on her actions, and her intent behind them, she ended up shaping much of the way I see myself, and in turn created a lot of self depreciative thoughts and depressive feelings to manifest. It feels like everything I knew about my childhood has been tainted and wronged somehow. I'm still kind of in shock from the whole ordeal, so I can't really give you all my clear thoughts on this, but I thought that I would give everyone an update.

[MtnTime2896]

(((BrownHat22)))

[Misterpain]

Well sad to say Congratulations , it's a hard think to realize and process just how toxic to our health some people are .

[BrownHat22]

Originally Posted by Misterpain

Well sad to say Congratulations , it's a hard think to realize and process just how toxic to our health some people are .

Thank you, I know that I probably would not have faced this on my own though. My T really encouraged me to open up about that.

[Misterpain]

Hey its good that your therp did that , there are people who dont get the idea when you hit 'em with a ball bat repeatedly ( hint ME at one point in my life ).

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BrownHat22

You know how you can have someone you hold dear to yourself, and trust them with anything, and they end up hurting you, but you hold onto them anyway? Today I came to terms with the fact that one of my childhood friends who I knew for 16 years had repeatedly emotionally and verbally abused and exploited me. I never really looked back on those moments because I am a very forgiving person, but today after reflecting on her actions, and her intent behind them, she ended up shaping much of the way I see myself, and in turn created a lot of self depreciative thoughts and depressive feelings to manifest. It feels like everything I knew about my childhood has been tainted and wronged somehow. I'm still kind of in shock from the whole ordeal, so I can't really give you all my clear thoughts on this, but I thought that I would give everyone an update.

Im sorry you're in that situation. Hopefully your t can help you process these feelings.

[Frankbtl]

Hi Brownhat

I'm really sorry you had to go through that with your friend

And it is understandable that you didn't really/fully recognise this before, afterall you identified her as a friend/someone you held dear, so sometimes it can be instinctive to make excuses for someone, to not want to look too closely at their behaviour at the time, to want to hold onto the person they were, to want to move on with them or hope things can be different etc............
But in a way it is really good that you have made this realisation, I'd see it as a bit of a breakthrough!!!

I know it might bring up lots of really difficult and conflicting feelings but with "the bigger picture" it can also in time help you better address your feelings about yourself and your relationship with others e.g. what you should be able to minimally expect from them. You know the saying "knowledge is power" right?!!
And although I know that abuse can be all encompassing but if you can try not to let it steal all of your childhood away, although a very big aspect of it by the sounds of it, remember this was one aspect of it...........so if you do have other memories in there which were positive try not to let this "overshadow" them too much if you can..........they are yours and you deserve to keep them, she does not deserve to tske them away from you!!

So just to finish.........congrats on the breakthrough!!!!
And if you need more support in handling this.........we're here

Alison

[BrownHat22]

Thank you everyone, I'm glad I can have the support of everyone here. If it's alright to share though, does anyone have any stories on how they overcame these thoughts and feelings of incompetence?

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( BrownHat22 ))))))))

I'm so sorry about this individual you trusted who tainted so much of your childhood

The fact that you're forgiving shows so much that is good about you ...

(I can relate to much of what you posted, I'm sorry this isn't longer..)

[Misterpain]

My way was realizing if I made my life a train wreck because of what was done to me , that was my abusive past , why am I going to carry them forward to further make me miserable , these people would be happy that they still controlled you .so my epiphany was these people are all dead and gone they can't hurt me anymore ,no matter what they did or didn't do, I was done with them and there crimes against me , it was time for me to take control of my life and live it for myself , let ghosts be ghosts and not be haunted.

[BrownHat22]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

(((((((( BrownHat22 ))))))))

I'm so sorry about this individual you trusted who tainted so much of your childhood

The fact that you're forgiving shows so much that is good about you ...

(I can relate to much of what you posted, I'm sorry this isn't longer..)

Thank you FuzzyBear, it means a lot. Don't worry about the amount you posted. It was from the heart and that's what matters.

[BrownHat22]

Originally Posted by Misterpain

... It was time for me to take control of my life and live it for myself , let ghosts be ghosts and not be haunted.

Thank you Misterpain, this really speaks to me. Hopefully I can do the same.