[Humpty Dumpty]

*If this post is removed I understand. I will try not to be too specific.*
*Warning* Dark post ahead.

The day I still regret to this day is the day I decided not to kill myself.

Possible trigger:

I'm not the type of person that remembers dates like it has been x number of days since...
I don't remember the day I came so close to killing myself. It was probably around 2 years ago. I had some prescription medication that some of the warnings included *If you miss a dose do not double up on the next dose.* *Do not take more than 600 mg a day* *Side effects can cause you to stop breathing* No I will not name the medication on here. I think the moderators would consider that crossing the line. I had 1,000 mg worth of pills. I stood there with the bottle in my hand thinking Long and Hard if I should. The biggest thing holding me back at that moment was I didn't want to fail. I was confident that if I took double the max daily dose that would be good enough. I was 200 mg short of that. I instead put the pills up and went to sleep. I Scheduled a text to be sent to my wife the next morning while I was asleep asking her to throw away the pills. After she looked up the side effects she woke me up and yelled at me.

I think about that day often. I regret not going through with my plan. If I had it to do over again I would do it. I have never told anyone outside of PC that. If I ever told anyone in my life that I would end up in a hospital again.

[Skeezyks]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I took the pills twice...

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. There must be a little kernel of something inside you that wants to live because you are still here. Can you hold on tight to that? I don't think it necessarily follows that if you told a therapist or pdoc what you just said they would hospitalize you. I'm glad you posted. I'm thinking of you. Hugs coming your way.

[East17]

((humptydumpty))
I had a day like that too. In fact 3 years ago today..
Do I wish I hadn't failed. Yes.
I am sorry you have these feelings too, they are awful to live with.

[Humpty Dumpty]

East you will understand this statement better than most....
I too am sorry you failed. It is a difficult thing to live with.

[Humpty Dumpty]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. There must be a little kernel of something inside you that wants to live because you are still here. Can you hold on tight to that?

It's like holding on to sand. No matter how tight I hold on it slowly slips through. So I grab it with both hands and it still manages to slip through.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm really sorry that you feel this way, Humpty..