done trying

don't worry this is not a suicide thread, i don't have the guts to kill myself even though i wish i did. my depression is getting worse, my anxiety is getting worse. without anything going for me in my life there is no help for me. i tried writing a letter to my mom explaining what's going on and that did nothing. i can no longer sleep, i'm lucky to get maybe 4 hours a day if i spend the entire day trying to sleep. i feel so hopeless and helpless right now. i feel completely hollow, just empty inside. i've fallen as low as i can, i've simply lost my way and lost this battle. not sure what the point of this thread is, i guess i'm just hoping that venting about it will help me to stop crying. i wish i had help, but without a job or insurance or anyone around me that actually cares there's just no hope anymore. i'm just going to spend the rest of my life in this hell until my time comes to an end

I completely understand! Just thinking back at my life makes me so tired. One person knows how bad things are. Can't get myself to tell my family. I've been isolating my self from everyone & I feel so alone. Can't turn my brain off!!!!

I hear you and it sounds like you're in a very painful place right now
I don't really know what else to say...when I feel like this, it helps to talk about it or write it down and share it in a place like this.
Did your mom not react to your letter at all?

Are you living with your mother? Could she help pay for the treatment you need? Also you could check with the Department of Family and Children's services to see about getting mental health treatment. I know it must seem impossible to reach out but you need to in order to get relief. Don't give up. You're worth it