The Mask Has Grown Too Heavy For My Soul To Hide Behind

I hate feeling like this. I have been out of bed for more than three hours today, which is a better record than these past four or five days.

I've dealt with deep and dark depression many times over. However, I haven't been so depressed that I can't get up in three or four years.

I'm out of bed now and it scares the hell out of me. This entire time of being up, I've gone from my anxious extreme and back down to my At the moment, I'm dealing more with the latter.

I can't keep staying miserable like this forever. I just can't.

You need some relief and support. I'm here to support and talk if you need to. I'm worried about you. Can you call your therapist and pdoc on an emergency basis this morning? Thinking of you.

I'm sorry you are feeling so poorly.

Jennifer has made some good suggestions.

Are you alone?
If so, can you invite someone over?

Please stay safe.

WC

Sorry you're feeling like this. Must be terrible.. you're very strong by dealing with this on almost a daily basis. Hope you'll soon find relief and peace.. on the meantime, remember that we will be always here for you.

Thanks everyone. I'm not alone right now but will be tonight. I could call my T, but I'm somewhat inclined to wait until Wednesday at my usual session. I figure that I'll just stay in bed until then.

Sorry for you. I feel you.

If you want to talk or rant, let out everything here. I'm listening.

I just keep letting people down.

Why do I do this?

It's Wednesday (depending on one's time zone). How are you feeling now? Did the usual session help any?

You are fighting your suicidal urges and you have been at it ever since I started reading your posts (June 2016). Just keep at it. You have resisted the urges because you care about others. That's not letting people down at all.

The session was alright. Helped a bit but didn't rid me of these urges.

I'll just have to keep moving through all of this. I just don't see an end.