What is a "high" for someone who is always low?

Since people with unipolar depression only experience lows, what is it like for them when they eventually feel the closest thing to a "high" as they can with having depression?

I know the textbook definition of clinical depression is basically alternating between being at a sort of baseline and falling into depressive episodes.

But I was diagnosis with persistent depressive disorder (dsythymia) first and then eventually experienced my first depressive episode, which I guess meant I graduated to major depressive disorder.

Or I dunno, maybe that just means I have both now, like a double diagnosis and just frequently experience bouts of double depression.

I intentionally thought that once having my first depressive episode that would mean I no longer had persistent depressive disorder and just major depression disorder, except for the fact that where with major depressive disorder you kind of flip flop back and forth between stable normal baseline periods of times and low depressive episodes, I don't return to normal baseline.

I remain below the baseline all the time and just revert back to my low-grade but chronic depression.

I've been dealing with my depression and depressive episodes ongoing for about 5 to 6 years now and I don't even remember what it is like to really be at normal or a baseline. Nevermind feeling a high state of anything.

The best way I can explain it is on a scale from 1 to 10 with 5 being the baseline. When I'm in a depressive episode I'm at a 1 or 2 but when I'm not (so my normal I guess) I can be a 3 or 4. I rarely ever make it to a 5 and when I do they are really spaced out. In the rare occasions where I experience a 6 and dare I say 7 (which I can't even remember experiencing) it's because I'm under the influence.

The only time I can describe feeling something remotely close to a "high state" for me is when I am feeling so mind numbing void that I become restless and it manifests through irritation. Something very close to a mixed episode.

And idk why I'm even really writing this, but I just, I dunno.

Do any of you guys who deal with depression deal with alternating stages of lows and then also experience really spaced out but brief moments of irritability and restlessness?

Or something similar to what I'm trying to describe?

How do you deal with it?

When I get like that, the best way to describe it is just being like one or two pushes away from snapping but never really getting there. I'm always so measured and controlled, even in states like that. I can never let go.
And I don't know if I'm getting away from the topic here and straying into something else, but I don't really have anywhere else where I can talk about this.

I don't feel like I've gotten my point across clearly here, but it's hard to explain it and get it written down in this form.

Comment/share your thoughts?

I do understand exactly what you're saying, especially with the 1-10 scale. What do I do? Take it moment to moment, go to therapy and take my meds as prescribed. I spend the majority of my time in severe depression so low level depression is my normal. If you come up with any answers please pass them on. Best wishes.

For me it's anything that brings a moment of joy or a feeling of contentment to myself no matter how small and/or insignificant it may seem to anyone else!

Feeling a moment of connection to another person. I become very needy, constantly grasping for validity from other people. That's what gives me small moments of relief. It is exhausting for others- that is why I love this site. We can do this for each other. There is a patience and acceptance to our little community

Exactly, the moments of connection. Laughing with a coworker or (whoa) going out with a college friend who comes into town.

I have had depression for about...idk eight years maybe...

I have a new baseline and it's rather...(very) low. So..

In the summer of 2015, I got sick. I don't even remember what it was. But I was given Tramadol for pain. And the depression went away for 2 days. TWO DAYS!!!! It was pure joy (and I'm not talking from a "high". I know what that feels like...This was happiness that was my own and not artificial).

Then again, last year, I had about 30 seconds of what I remember as joy. I sang and I was who I was before.

So that happened. Of course they are bittersweet these times because then you remember. But it's good because it gives you a kind of hope that it might happen again.

Thank you all for your replies.

I also have brief moments where I am happy or feeling like I am having a good time, but they don't help to improve my mood :/ most of them feel artificial after passing or while I'm in the moment I can sometimes kind of dissociate a bit and "come down."

It's probably the depression but after having a good time, I can't seem to pull on those moments for comfort anymore. They don't feel real. All the positive emotions I had while in that moment suddenly feel false and far away or watered down.

And when I have a really good day by my standards (usually spending the day with a few friends or friend and smoking or just chilling) the next day I fall into a deeper depression because of how happy I was the previous day ):

I hate feeling so low all the time, I kind of wish the anger would come back.