[nowheretorun]

Hello All...
It's been awhile. I know some of the "old" names are still here. Wanted to say Hi! to all, "old" and "new".

My recovery is complete. Depression and DID free finally. I can say with positivity now just how long I WAS in depression. 29 years. It's over. I win.

I hope all are feeling well enough today. Never give up. Follow that dream. You can make it. It's worth it. I'm so glad I didn't give in or ever accept the downs as who I was. It never was, not one moment, who I was, or who I was ever intended to be. You all have great gifts to share with us all. It matters. You matter. You will see when you make it.

Til then, I would like to hang around. Say hi to some old friends, make some new ones.

Love and happiness.

Darrel

[Fuzzybear]

[nowheretorun]

Hi Fuzzy

So glad I get to "see" you again. More and more hugs to you dear. You matter You can always get free hugs and smiles from me

[stefano]

[nowheretorun]

Pleased to make your aquaintance stefano. Roma Italy? Getting around the world here aren't we? Hope you're well today.

I'm typing from work, in and out between customers. Anything you want to talk about?

[nowheretorun]

TY Tucker

You guys are feel goods

[bipolar_bear]

I am so glad that you have found yourself and your happiness. It is so good to hear that there is hope for everyone. Thanks.

BB

[Etheria]

Hi Darrel - I'm so glad you did this post - it really does provide hope to others. Stay strong. Many blessings, Etheria

[wickedwings]

nowheretorun, i don't know if i met you here since i first came here last march. i have treatment-resistant major chronic depression - 15 years in the running. the last year and a half has been bad. i'm so glad that you're finally free from depression. i need the relief so bad that my soul cries for it - constantly. i wish the best for you, for no one should have to suffer like this. enjoy what you can - you deserve it after a 29-year battle with depression. i wonder how it happened for you. was it the medication, the therapy? i wonder because so many of us are doing anything for relief. i even did therapy and lifestyle changes. my personality was even changed. i tried many, many medications. i even changed my diet and exercised like crazy. nothing worked. i pray that nothing hits you like that again and cause you depression.

[nowheretorun]

Thanks Etheria, Bpbear, and Wickedwings

It's taken me this long to get back to you, I'm only online between customers at work on the weekends right now. I am happy to share what I've learned with you wickedwings. Your story is so familiar, even the personality changes. I was relieved to discover those changes were not really changes though. Before my depression I loved myself, even with my flaws, but during depression, all I could notice were the flaws. The whole me was always there but couldn't come forward for a variety of reasons such as fear, anger, pain, withdrawal and cumulitively a whole snowball of crap called depression. I am closer to the "old" me than ever and while I still have flaws, the depression has been lifted away.

Time was one element in my healing. Always during my darkest days I wondered how long the hurt would be my everyday, every moment experience. It drove me crazy wondering if and when it might just lift enough to see the light of day again. I could still function somewhat, still felt a degree of intelligence, but everything felt so flat and empty and something always was missing. I didn't feel connection to people no matter what it appeared or what they must have assumed, I knew there was something off kilter.

It took so long to heal, but that is really the point. Time was a factor. An analogy would be a climber cannot leap to the summit. Only one step at a time. I could only learn at a non-threatening pace. Even if I read all the answers in one hour, they couldn't perform their healing magic simply because I myself was not ready. Little by little, fragments of the wisdom we all read right here and in inspirational books and music and movies could slowly filter in. In pieces it began to fit. 29 years could be a statement of my own ignorance or it could mean it took that long to firmly re-plant what had been natural at birth and removed in the experiences of life.
For me it was a combination of re-faithing, re-loving, re-trusting, and in general, re-birthing. So depleted was my reserve of knowledge, trust and hope that it took all 29 years to rebuild. Reading books about depression, attending therapy, and being a part of this website 4 years ago were all parts to my process. But most importantly, it was available material, persistence and desperation that finally paid off. A healthy and profound belief in a higher power was one final missing element.

I tried to sum this up so it wasn't too much. There is so much more and hopefully as time passes I hope I can help others and share what I've been granted. I firmly believe it is part of the process to pass on what's been learned.

[LMo]

Oh wow! You're back! And it sounds like you're back in a GOOD way, so congratulations! You were one of my first friends here when I arrived in 2003, and I had an APB out for you a few years ago. Glad to hear that things are on the upswing

Love,
LMo

[nowheretorun]

thank you Lmo

after a few stumbles i think i've found good ground to stand on again but i've realized it still has some sandy bottom. i'm not giving up though...

if i recall, sorry if i'm wrong, but it was your significant other that brought you here to begin with. glad to see yourself and a few others have kept the torch aflame and as always, most thanks to Doc John

thanks for saying hi

[LMo]

Good memory! Yep he brought me here but my friends kept me here

He's doing much better now -- not perfect -- he still struggles with major anxiety and occasional depression, but he's making progress with his life. I've had a lot of success managing the stress of his side-effects through a meditation class and a great T.

We're married now and expecting our first baby in May!

[nowheretorun]

there truly are good loving people here. Congratulations! Babies are the coolest! Best wishes Lmo