[123yfashion]

Hey,
I'm 19 and suffer with depression. I've never been diagnosed, but will discuss the reason soon, but I know I have depression. I rarely have bad days recently but a year ago it was bad all the time. There wasn't a day I didn't want to kill myself and I cut my arms and legs every day. This went on from about the beginning of 2016 to late 2016, that's when I started to get better and I stopped cutting in November 2016 (though I'm still tempted when I have my bad days). One of the reasons that stopped me cutting was that one day my mum saw the scars on my thigh and my parents had a talk with me. They said that they didn't want me to get professional help from a gp (doctor in England) as they didn't want it to go on my record. They still couldn't understand why somedays I just felt down and how one some days I would be sensitive to everything and anything regardless of how little the issue was and how I could get so angry so easily.

When I have my bad days now I have issues talking to my boyfriend about them because they're so hard to describe. Though he's had anxiety himself he's said he wants to help me got to therapy and try to get better but I just can't get the idea of what my parents said out of my head. And when I'm home on bad days my parents just get angry at me for being miserable or being down. It's sounds silly but they moved around my room today and when I got home I was so angry as I was already feeling really down and having one of my bad days that I just got mad. I can't help it. They then get angry at me for being sensitive.
I want to talk to them about it but I just can't. I can't tell them that it kills me on the inside when my mum *****es about me to my dad (I can hear downstairs from my bedroom so I do hear this) and that when they yell and me or being down or mad it makes me get even worse.

Long story to get down to the question but just felt it was relevant. Basically, how do I approach this topic with them without hysterically crying in front of them (because this will happen) and how can I best describe my feelings to them when I don't even know how I feel myself.

Thanks

[splitimage]

I assume that 19 is considered a legal adult in England (not sure), but if so, you don't need your parents' permission to go see your GP. Just ring up the surgery and make the appointment (easier said than done I know.)

But part of being an adult, is dealing with hard stuff, like telling our parents and significant others that we have mental health issues and need help. Your parents sound like they have very old fashioned ideas about mental health. Depression can be treated, sometimes quite successfully, and you do deserve help.

Do you think you can make an appointment with your GP on your own, and enlist their help on what to tell your parents?

Good luck, I know it's hard.

splitimage

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. You could write out the talk you want to have with them and edit it until it satisfies you. Then you could sit down with them and let them read the letter or you read it to them. I'm sorry your parents are not as supportive as they need to be. You need to take care of you no matter what they think or say and whether or not they support you. Best wishes and good luck.

[Fizzyo]

Hi welcome to PC.

It sounds as if your parents see a stigma with mental I'll health, even though at least 1 in 4 people experience it.
My parents used to have similar though less extreme attitudes and it took years of life experience for them to begin to understand and longer before I could discuss any aspect of my depression with them.

You are an adult so you can make a gp appointment for yourself and noone needs to know.
Maybe your boyfriend will go with you for moral support (he can stay in the waiting room or go in with you, whatever you want).

It could be worth while asking at reception or looking online to see which doctors at your surgery have an interest in mental health to have a better chance of a positive experience, but many doctors are sympathetic.

There is no shame in living with depression! Many of our great people have done (Churchill and Stephen Fry to name just two).

Having depression on your health records will cause no problems. It may help doctors care for any physical health problems better if they understand you're vulnerable. Nobody outside your gp or mental health practitioner need ever know unless you tell them.
There are options for help from gp and IAPT the primary care access to talking treatment.

I wasn't diagnosed till I was 19. I had left home by then, but getting help really made a difference.

Lecture over! Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and good luck with your efforts.

[MrUnHappy]

I can relate to what you are going through. My parents attitude was always just "suck it up" I've found that it is difficult to get some people to understand or accept mental illness unless/until they themselves go through a bout of it. Just don't feel bad about it and get the help you need. Best wishes to you

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC when you get on your own see a therapist or a psychiatrist