[TorturedSoul92]

This is a revelation I've known for quite some time now, but it hits me like a ton of bricks every time my mother does something I can't understand or refuses to speak to me for reasons unknown. For the past 2 years, I've worked full time while continue my therapy & figuring out what I wanted to do career-wise. I took the LSAT last year & gained acceptance into law school on a scholarship. Most of the individuals in my family, including my mother, are toxic so I was very strategic with how I told my family members. My therapist is award of my family dynamic & understood/supported my decision to tell them when I felt the time was best. Honestly, if it weren't for the fact that I live with my mother, I would not have told her. She has the tendency to try and sabotage me when things are going well for me. She also puts me down when I've accomplished a goal of any kind.

Anyway, I told my mother & she seemed happy for me at the time. Fast forward a couple months later, I'm leaving in a few days for law school & she has not been speaking to me for 2 weeks now! Her demeanor towards me is usually hostile, but we're usually on speaking terms at the very least. I leave on Friday & im not even sure she's coming to my new place to see me off & it hurts so bad. I think back to times when I was a teen & I was acting out. My grades were suffering tremendously & I just didn't care about anything but hanging out with my friends. She used to say "why can't you be like you used to?" & now, I've come so far & have accomplished something amazing despite all the obstacles I've come across & she STILL isn't satisfied? I guess this goes to show that you can't live your life for anyone but yourself. I'm happy for me but I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt that her actions are so bizarre & malicious.

Can anyone relate to my experience?
Any thoughts?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

My Dad treats me with the same "love you, leave you" kind of attitude. I have come to understand it's his way of keeping himself protected from getting too close and risking emotional pain. He got hurt very bad when Mom died. I don't think he could withstand that again. Maybe your Mom has similar reasons?

I am not saying it doesn't still hurt. It does.
I'm not saying it's ok, but we all need to find our way of coping and we can't allow others to affect our coping or we can't be there for them at all.
My Dad is doing the best he can. It's not as much as I want. ... but it's what he can do, and I need to accept that

Maybe you are stuck with the same awful pill to swallow?

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Crypts. It sounds like she is deliberately creating emotional distance between you so she doesn't suffer as much pain when you leave. I'm sorry she's not more supportive. Congratulations on everything you've accomplished. Keep making progress. Sending big hugs.

[Misterpain]

Let me be gentle it's psychological her psychology is not logical ,the best thing for you is to fly the nest make the best life you can ,and leave her to live with her decisions and attitudes .
Please also remember we have no choice of the family we are born into,but once thats done expanding your defintion of family does a lot ,especialy when your new family includes those that love you and care for you anyway anyday you are,get a good education , become all that you can be ,send her a mothers day card every year all other contact is really optional . I sound harsh but I went thru the whole toxic family thing , going back giving them chance after chance just to get kicked in the head again ,and to go thru therapy thinking it's me it's my flaw ,only to realise its not me, never has been,consider yourself ahead of the rest by knowing it's not you that has the issue , you will always have a sore spot kinda "ouchie" but it saves you from a big festering I hate everything spot. You've got this ,keep control, stay level headed and use going away to school as the catalyst to a great life , don't waste time on things beyond your control that should've been or could've been. Live your life for you ,they will be whatever they are , you dont have to be like them or around them.and when you graduate your real family will be with you ,that may include her or preclude her ,the definition of crazy is doing the same thing and expecting a different out come, your growing and changing maybe mom will to ,but don't try to manipulate life to get her to to change ,it will happen naturally if it's going to happen .