[Maryoochi]

Anybody want support? Let's start a discussion. Let's talk about what it's like afterwards. What kind of support have you gotten? How can we help each other to recover & move towards healthy coping skills? If your needing space to vent, share - your not alone. Let's help one another. Thank you.

[MtnTime2896]

Immediately afterwards, I feel like the worst person to ever live. Looking into my family and friends' eyes... it kills me.

The support afterwards annoys me. I ticks me off beyond belief. I understand where they're all coming from and I respect that, so I generally keep my anger to myself. I don't like being under constant watch. I don't like constant check-ins. And I hate always being asked, "How are you doing, really?" because it's always accompanied by pitiful eyes. I don't like being pitied.

At the same time, I do have a couple people whom I know won't do that and those are the people I go to for my issues.

One thing that really hurts right now, as I just left the hospital before the doctor felt I was 'safe' enough, is how everyone is acting. It's as if they're all preparing for my death. None of them believe I will survive it. My fiance tells me he believes in me, that I can fight this, and that's something. I also believe on his own level, he's preparing to come home to find me stiff. I haven't believed in myself for a long time and now no one else does, too.

I feel like a lost cause. And it ****ing hurts.

[Krow]

I cannot say that I have ever been particularly suicidal, though rather lately it has been utter disarray. And frankly, it is nearly impossible to pinpoint a single contributing factor towards such a mess. To me, there is nothing more frustrating than an unsolvable problem, yet they seem to multiply in number each and every day. Sometimes, I feel nothing but resentment towards God, as nothing ever seems to work appropriately anymore. Every day is the embodiment of Murphy's Law, and it is hardly even a matter of luck, really. To an extent, it is of my own decisions in choosing to remain in my home city for the time being, though it is the most financially stable decision for obtaining the future that I desire. Yet it shall be a minimum of two years until I may as much as leave my home city, much less the country altogether. My ambitions were always to start new elsewhere, yet I am continuously dragged back to the same place every time.

[benzenering]

My attempt was 7 years ago. Afterward, I got lots of support from family (I felt really guilty about being so selfish), but the government made darn well sure I wouldn't do it again. After the hospital released me, I spent the next 3 weeks in the psych hospital, getting reformed. Sucked.

Originally Posted by Maryoochi

Anybody want support? Let's start a discussion. Let's talk about what it's like afterwards. What kind of support have you gotten? How can we help each other to recover & move towards healthy coping skills? If your needing space to vent, share - your not alone. Let's help one another. Thank you.

Maryoochi--

How long ago was it?

I was lucky. I received plenty of support.

I was deeply ashamed of what I had done for about two years (my attempt was 2 and a half years ago). I have forgiven myself. Am not ashamed to talk about it but my T has advised me to be careful about "sharing." I think she was surprised when I told her what I was sharing on this forum. I told her my userid because I have limited time with her and it was easier to just show her some of my posts in order to explain my anxieties/fears. Using the example of a few other people on this forum--I think trying to be truthful and open about my difficulties is, hopefully, helping me face up to my problems. Though I do feel like I need to be careful about speaking about others.

My problems have NOT gone away. I only understand them better. I have only made small steps towards my life goals (they involve relationships and finances). When I am really upset, I vent on this forum. I have not had SI in a while. Perhaps venting has helped me not default to SI--for me, SI was a way to avoid my problems. There are so many problems in life.

Now I am going to stop venting for the day and get to work. Even when I am depressed--it is important to me to feel productive in some way. Rest is important too but being on social media for to long is not conducive to good sleep IMO.

Welcome and hugs,
Hoping

[Fuzzybear]