[Accessory]

As much as this is an introduction for me into this forum, this is an introduction for me to meet my other self. The self I always fail to admit to, the reasons that keep me restrained from being the real me and being happy again. I'll spare any major details about my life because I know I'm fairly strong willed and I refuse to let them hold me down. But a little back story: my mother was a single mom and alcoholic and that may have affected me (I'm not sure how much it affected me or if it even did). Nonetheless, I've always had a pretty supportive family and mom even given the circumstances and grief she may have inflicted on our family. I've been sad and lonely for a long time and it's been eating me away ever since. I just started my freshmen year of college, and my loneliness is amplified as it's a now harsh reality I must live with every day to sit and stare at all the happy and joyful people around me. People are beginning to see right through me and my behavior hasn't been a reflection of who I am as a person and it's scaring me. I've always had trouble keeping friendship and relationships with people. I feel so unwanted (and here more than ever) and I've never really had real friends, only people I "talk" to. No one knows how I feel, because I hide the fact of how damaged I am. I'm here because what I once never wanted to admit is taking me by storm and I feel as though I'm drowning in it. I'm sad, lonely and ****ed up. There's much more I could say and more detail I could give but I just can't put it into words right now. Hopefully I will one day be better.

[Azureseas]

Hi Accessory and welcome! Just wanted to say hello and offer a few thoughts...
I have often heard that becoming aware of a problem is the first step in solving it and given my own struggles and those whom I've worked with, I find that to be true. However, sometimes, due to low self esteem, depression, physical illness, addictions etc., our perception of something being "wrong" with us can in fact, NOT be true. So I guess I'm wondering a few things... has anyone actually TOLD you they think you have problems or are "different" in some way? If so, I think I'd first ask for examples so you can truly understand what they are saying. Then I'd ask myself "do they have an ulterior motive in telling me this?" I would then ask others that I trust and/or respect their opinion whether they have noticed anything troubling or unusual about you lately. Finally, I'd schedule both a physical AND an appointment with a therapist if I continued feeling that something just isn't right. Above all, trust your gut! I know that can be hard to do when we are hurting or confused about something but if you are feeling depressed, sad etc., that is your mind's way of saying "hey, something needs attention over here" --much like a bleeding wound indicates a bandaid or even a few stitches may be needed!
I think it's great that at such a young age you are being proactive and reaching out when you are hurting. It took me a longer time (as did going to college lol) but I got through it and I know you will too!

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I'm glad you opened up about yourself. I hear you and sympathize. If these issues become too much, you could possibly see a therapist. It's good that you have a good support system. Sending big hugs.

[Shazerac]

welcome to psych central.

Hello Accessory, welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

[Fuzzybear]

Welcome to pc