[BleedTheFreak]

In my nearly 27 years on this planet, I have yet to experience the death of a close (note the term, "close") family member or friend.

Now, I have two close family members, and one of my only friends on this planet, dying of cancer. My friend is terminal and has three months, if he's lucky.

I am hopelessly unprepared for his death. I'm looking for all of the advice I can find on how to deal with loss, as free and clear of platitudes and religious sanctimony as possible.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. I can't give you advice since I've never experienced loss, as well.. just remember, though, it will take time (several months at best). Wish you the best of luck

[Shazerac]

dealing with loss of someone you are about is a heavy burden to bear. So sorry about your friend

[C.D.K]

Dealing with the loss of a close loved one is difficult and with our illness it makes it even more so. All I can tell you is that it does get better.

Personally I like to think that the person is never truly dead but lives on in each and every person they've touched in their life.

[Winterbritt]

Hi there, I'm sorry for your situation. That's a really tough place to be. I am in no way an expert in grief, and since I don't know you, I don't know what might make you feel better or what could offend you, but I will just share what I know of myself from my life.

I found peace with the death of my loved ones by focusing on respect for them. It sounds weird but it really shifted me from fear and insecurity to a place of love and devotion.

I found that when I thought about their death as something bad happening to me or my life or even something bad happening to them, I really suffered uncontrollably.

But when I focused on respecting their life and respecting their body and respecting their story, no matter what happened, I was less afraid. It felt more true, because I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. And taking that position of respect allowed me to remain fiercely loyal to them even when they were dying and after.

I changed my internal conversation from, "what will I do? how will I live? how could this happen to this person I love so much?" and instead purposely introduced thoughts into my mind like "I will stand by you in my heart no matter what" and "I respect the story of your life" and "I won't disrespect your existence on this earth by naming your life a tragedy" and "I will not allow death to separate us in my heart"

It made me feel so much stronger and made my heart feel 1000 times bigger. It also allows me not to withdraw from people I love when they are sick. Always before I was so distraught internally that I just stopped being able to connect with someone when they got ill. And I had such a phobia of my dog dying someday that I didn't even enjoy being around her. All of that resolved once I chose the kinder thought process on the subject.

I hope that helps you in some way. I wrote about it in more detail with regard to my dog on my blog if you'd like to read it : Pet Loss: Finding Peace for A Broken Heart - Winterbritt

[BleedTheFreak]

Thanks everyone. And to one of your points, Winterbritt, I am trying hard to not withdraw from my friend. It's extremely painful to see him in that state, but I know he needs all the love and support he can get. I need to find a way to get over my own petty discomfort and depression and be joyful around him.

[Sunflower123]

I'm so sorry to hear about your family members and your friend. I don't have any advice besides seek help to get you through this if the grief turns into a severe depression. Thinking of you.

[*Laurie*]

Hi, I have been through an inordinate number of losses, loved ones and pets, and several of those losses to cancer. Loss is very hard and grief is hell. Allow yourself to go through it, not suppress it, but to feel your sense of loss. It's a lot of pain. I will tell you that in my experience, seeking out spiritual guidance is helpful. That guidance can be a meditation practice, for example. It's helpful because it inspires you toward self-growth and gives meaning to the loss.

One thing I'll add- there is, of course, a large amount of anticipatory grief when someone(s) is dying. That said, they're not dead yet. As long as they're alive, enjoy the hours.

Best to you.