[whisperingskye]

I had hope. It was there. It didn't last long, but it was definitely there. Now it is gone.

While I was in hospital I was definitely hopeless. A few days before I got out something changed. I thought there was hope I could change how my life was going. It was enough to make me feel I could do life again.

The other day i realised that hope was, well hopeless. Nothing is changing. I feel so damn defeated. I can't handle my life.

[Fuzzybear]

[Shazerac]

Perhaps you haven't lost your hope. Maybe you just misplaced it. I suspect that you will find it. Hope you feel better soon

[Marla500]

I hope tomorrow is a better day

[Sunflower123]

I hope you're feeling better as well. I'm sorry you are having a tough time. There's hope. You may be unreceptive to it but there is hope. Sending big hugs.

[East17]

(((whisperingskye)))
You felt hope, if only briefly, but it was there...the possibility exists for you to feel it again. Try to hold onto that possibility, however small it seems.
You have friends here.
E xx

[Frankbtl]

Hi whisperingskye

I'm sorry things feel so hard for you right now
Just sometimes the best you can do to hold on to hope is to try to hope for hope..........if that makes sense??

But I'm just wondering if you're being a bit hard on yourself over the changes you've maybe made or haven't managed to make yet??
I mean changing how your life's going after having struggled can be real tough........not impossible (!!!), but real tough and it can take real small (but very important!!) steps and time.........
And sometimes it can be really easy to overlook or dismiss the really small steps..........for instance just saying "No" to someone or just saying "I'm not OK" to someone when you otherwise might not have done can be a "real small" but major step...........but just the kind of steps that you can overlook instead of give yourself real credit for and look to build on...........
Just maybe look towards recognising things like that and give yourself real credit for them, the credit you truely deserve!!
And sometimes there can be stops or backward steps on the road to finding something better............but that does not mean that something better can't be there.........it's just that sometimes we need to give ourselves some empathy, some compassion and a little time to "regroup" before the next step.........and you know that something better is possible right??!! You have felt it!!! And you do deserve that
So small steps?? And maybe build on things which might help you with some of those........even like talking on here as much as you need to..........I'd say every single person is going to need help at sometime........and it can be real tough going it alone..........so remember..........you're not alone in this

Alison

[MatBell]

I’m sorry. I go up and down like you and suddenly I feel completely hopeless and terrified. Then I feel a bit of hope and can distract myself. Get by another day. I hope you can do that too.

[Bill3]

[whisperingskye]

I wish hope wasn't so hard to come by...

[Bill3]

[CepheidVariable]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

I wish hope wasn't so hard to come by...

Yeah.

If it helps ... I often do better just trying to find some relief, like the small steps that Alison said. The little things can sometimes help turn a corner unexpectedly -- even when it didn't work the day before. I've often been most successful in finding hope when I stop aggressively trying to possess it.

A rainbow is supposed to be a symbol of hope. Fitting, because you can't hold a rainbow ... but it's still there. (I hope that's not too sentimental )

Take care.

[Fuzzybear]

[MuseumGhost]

Understanding hugggs, darlin' one.

Sometimes hope does seem elusive. But as everyone's said, little rays of light come back through, one by one, and you can build on those. Any little positive has enormous power to keep us going.

Massive good thoughts for you......

[Bill3]

How are you doing today?

[whisperingskye]

I don't feel ok today. It's annoying because I had a pretty good day, but I just feel low. It makes me just want to disappear. So I just keep drinking too much, and self harming because I don't know how else to cope with life.

[Bill3]

I'm sorry whisperingskye.

What do you suppose gets you to feeling low after a pretty good day?

[whisperingskye]

I don't know. It just seems to happen. Maybe I'm over tired.

[Bill3]

Right when you first notice yourself getting a little low, maybe you can take a moment and notice what was going on right then, both around you and internally.

[Bill3]

[whisperingskye]

Thank you for the hugs bill.

I have a review appointment on Monday with my pdoc and care coordinator. Hopefully we will come up with something between us to get me out of this funk. I seem to have given up on helping myself and all those self destructive tendencies are back in full force. I just wish it wouldn’t always come back to this.

[Bill3]

Thank you so much for letting us know. Hang in there! I will be keeping you in mind.

[gkl8blmr]

I have been down in the hole, overwhelmed by self-loathing, convinced that it's all pointless. And always a day or two later I'm back to where I can at least cope and see some light. The takeaway for me is that it's not some ultimate reality but just a pattern replaying itself in my head. It's enough for me to step back and not take it too seriously.

I can't pretend to know you. Hopefully my experience has some meaning for you.

[East17]

Originally Posted by whisperingskye

Thank you for the hugs bill.

I have a review appointment on Monday with my pdoc and care coordinator. Hopefully we will come up with something between us to get me out of this funk. I seem to have given up on helping myself and all those self destructive tendencies are back in full force. I just wish it wouldn’t always come back to this.

(((hugs))) from me also whisperingskye.
I hope your pdoc and cc are able to come up with something that will help you. It's awful being stuck in that dark place where the self destruct just wants to take over.

Thinking of you.
E xx

[Shazerac]

{{{whispering}}} thank you for keeping us updated. I'm glad you have an appointment with your T. I'm hoping that you can find some relief and climb out of the dark hole you are in. Losing hope is so discouraging. I've been there so many times. The only thing that I can hang on to when I'm there is that I got out of it before.